• What kind of relationship do you have with your Doctor?

    Asked by LungC on Monday, June 11, 2018

    What kind of relationship do you have with your Doctor?

    Is it cordial, are they professional? Do they act like they are glad to see you, concerned? I have one that I truly believe needs to find another line of work. He acts like he is mad at the world every time I am in his office. I want to tell him to happy up, but he's the one that is supposed to be saving my life, so maybe not.

    All of my other doctors, nurses, etc. are cheerful, and always act like they are happy to serve. I just don't get this guy! Have any of you had one like that?

    19 Answers from the Community

    19 answers
    • barryboomer's Avatar
      barryboomer

      If he is an Oncologist I can understand this. I couldn't be an Onc as they have so little tools to help us. They are probably scared to death they or a loved one will get cancer and then what. I bet a lot of Oncs...don't take the chemo they give to their patients.....They have a tough job...

      about 1 month ago
    • SandiA's Avatar
      SandiA

      I have a surgeon, radiation oncologist, medical oncologists and a orthopedic oncologists. They are all very nice. They always act happy to see me. They remember little things I have told them about my personal life. My medical oncologist especially will share little funny stories with me and he loves to tease me. He can be very serious when he has to be but he always makes me feel like a person not just another patient.

      about 1 month ago
    • Ejourneys' Avatar
      Ejourneys

      In my medical oncologist's waiting room, I once overheard another patient say he had the personality of his (whitewashed) walls. I found that amusing, because my MO can be very bland and dry, almost to the point of seeming detached. I also know he is anything but, because I see his concern when we talk. He answers all my questions and explains his reasoning when we see things differently (e.g., testing cancer markers, which is not recommended for my type of case). His own mother had died of cancer (breast cancer, if I remember right), so I know he takes his job personally, and his blandness might be his way of coping.

      My radiation oncologist is someone I could probably talk with for hours. We discuss cancer research and other topics; he gives me his perspective based on his experience (each of my oncologists has spent 25+ years in the field). He is very personable and very involved in the community. The same goes for my surgeon.

      All three are very professional and very competent.

      about 1 month ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      My oncologist is sweet and friendly. He is admittedly not really a people person, though. He would much rather be in his lab doing research.

      I am sorry your oncologist isn't friendly. I would hate that. I have had 2 medical oncologists and one radiation oncologist and all 3 have been friendly and caring. The radiation oncologist has a great sense of humor.

      about 1 month ago
    • WoodsRLovely's Avatar
      WoodsRLovely

      Both my oncologists are kind, loving, humorous people. I need people/people and selected my doctors carefully. They like to hug, and joke around - and I need that. Now my surgeon's have NO personalities but excellent physicians...that's okay since I was asleep and don't care at that point. But since I am undergoing stem cell transplant, felt I needed a physician that I could gel with and talk to - and she is wonderful!

      about 1 month ago
    • malindsey's Avatar
      malindsey

      In 2012, I had sepsis before I could have my lung removed due to cancer. While fighting sepsis, in the hospital, my oncologist, that I had just met a few days before, told me I wouldn't make it. I was shocked. I couldn't believe a professional doctor, oncologist, telling a patient that they were going to die real soon! My sister in law was with me and heard it all. I was still crying when my surgeon came in my room. I told him why I was upset. He gave me a small, gentle hug and told me that HE was in charge and I was going to make through. He talked to me until I calmed down. He gave me hope again. When I went to see my oncologist in October 2018, same doctor, told me I was cancer free! He told me that he gets chills everytime he sees me. Even though he had a bad bedside manner, I believed he would do his best for me. I can't imagine what a doctor goes through when they lose a patient and maybe oncologists don't get too close to their parents. Cancer is horrible. Good luck and may God be with you.

      about 1 month ago
    • wmsavs' Avatar
      wmsavs

      LungC, if you have a positive connection with their doctor skills-comfortable with suggested treatment, understanding your needs can follow. It would not pose a problem to ask why they act like they're mad, citing examples if you need. Many do not realize it, may act that way with everyone, put up a wall, etc.

      about 1 month ago
    • merpreb's Avatar
      merpreb

      I need to know everything and the truth. I think that my manner shows this so I seem to be drawn to that type of doctor. I am also a very personable person and love to hug and joke and all the doctors associated with my cancer treatments are like this. Other doctors that do "side jobs" don't need to be so personable with me. But all have to be truthful honest people.I need to know everything and the truth. I think that my manner shows this so I seem to be drawn to that type of doctor. I am also a very personable person and love to hug and joke and all the doctors associated with my cancer treatments are like this. Other doctors that do "side jobs" don't need to be so personable with me. But all have to be truthful honest people.I need to know everything and the truth. I think that my manner shows this so I seem to be drawn to that type of doctor. I am also a very personable person and love to hug and joke and all the doctors associated with my cancer treatments are like this. Other doctors that do "side jobs" don't need to be so personable with me. But all have to be truthful honest people.

      about 1 month ago
    • geekling's Avatar
      geekling

      It is very difficult for me to find doctors I can trust.

      1. Want a doctor who is smarter than me and can teach me how to help myself.

      2. I want a doctor who can afford to care about me and appreciate my value as a human being rather than as a numbered patient with which there is no empathy.

      3. If a doctor has reached the end of his knowledge, I want him or her to simply admit it and allow me, and hopefully the doctor as well, to go on searching without ill wishes or a dire review.

      4. A doctor needs to speak to or with me instead of at me. The doctor also needs to be truthful.

      5. No one knows everything. There is nothing wrong with "Let me do a little research. I will get back to you soon." Or even, if it is a small question, "Let us look at the research together."

      6. I need a doctor who knows how to wash his or her hands.

      Simple stuff. Very difficult to find. I can count on one hand the number of doctors who meet any, nevermind all, of my requirements.

      about 1 month ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar
      BoiseB

      My first diagnosis the Dr.s truly believed I would not make it. But my nephew (a primary care Dr. in Portland) forced me to get a second opinion. The Dr.s here were very reluctant to work with the Dr. who gave the second opinion. They believed that the operation would kill me. My medical oncologist had a horrible relationship with other Dr.s. When I got a second cancer he didn't work well with my gyn-oncologist. The only Dr. he worked well with was my neurologist and that was because my neurologist was also his father's neurologist. I refered to him as Dr. Doom. But over the years, I was able change his was of thinking. After being with him for seven years he got a cushy grant to do full-time research. My PCP is a wonderful Dr. She is not above giving me a well deserved lecture though.
      I am not a touchy feely person. I don't want hugs. I don't need to know the gory details. All I want to know is a diagnosis in English and what is the plan of treatment and what is the cost is there someone on the staff who can discuss the cost.

      about 1 month ago
    • Lorie's Avatar
      Lorie

      Ejourneys. I have a rad onc who spends more time typing in computer notes than
      Talking to or looking at me on all visits since 2015. He also poo-pood any questions i had relevant to a healthier lifestyle concerning food. " all things in moderation" was his answer. I did I have one visit with the other partner in the office and would much rather go to him. I believe we go to the same place. Would you have any advice on how I can request to change doctors.

      about 1 month ago
    • merpreb's Avatar
      merpreb

      Lorie- Just change. You don't have to answer to anyone. You are paying for it. Get someonewh will talk to you.

      about 1 month ago
    • Ejourneys' Avatar
      Ejourneys

      @Lorie -- What @merpreb said. Maybe talk to the RO you like, or check with the front desk to see how you can make the change.

      about 1 month ago
    • Lorie's Avatar
      Lorie

      Good ideas, tx.
      LungC maybe good for you too if there's another doctor in the practice or just try and talk to him. I've tried talking but it didn't work for me. Just a communication problem.

      about 1 month ago
    • SnoopyMoody's Avatar
      SnoopyMoody

      I have a wonderful relationship with my primary! Her Father was my Dr. for years as well as our neighbor so I was able to watch Mary grow up.

      about 1 month ago
    • Skyemberr's Avatar
      Skyemberr

      All of the relationships I have with my doctors are cordial. My oncologist is a bit in a hurry and talks in code at times, but he's good and I know he cares.I am not always happy with him but I would not change doctors.

      My palliative care doctor is amazing. Without her and her staff my life would be a bit hellish.

      The only doctor I had a problem with was one of my cancer surgeons. She is brilliant and she saved my life, but we argued because she thought that cancer patients should only be in palliative care if they were about to go into hospice. I completely disagree based on my own experience, so have since discontinued my relationship with that surgeon.

      about 1 month ago
    • BuckeyeShelby's Avatar
      BuckeyeShelby

      I adored my gyn/onco surgeon. And I like my medical oncologist. My surgeon semi-retired and the chick who took over for him is a royal expletive deleted. She might be 28. Looked down her nose at me. Decided I needed bariatric surgery the 2nd time I saw her -- hello, you don't know me. Am I a suitable candidate? Probably not. Will my insurance cover it? Uh, no. Tried to change drs, and was told in no uncertain terms that it might hurt her feelings. I've not gone back there. They were just doing follow-up anyway. My med oncologist is doing my bloodwork. And if I have a recurrence, it won't be in anything gynecological because I don't have any left, so I'd have to get a new surgeon ANYWAY.

      about 1 month ago
    • DonnainRI's Avatar
      DonnainRI

      I love my oncologist. The first time I saw him he was very pleasant and professional but a bit cool, and that did not bother me. As we have gotten to see one another more and more often over the past 3 years and my disease has progressed though, he's gotten much different as far as being more open, sharing a laugh at something I have said or making a quick joke. He has kidded me about my adventures over at Brigham and Women's, such as the night they called the stroke team on me because they could not wake me up at 3 AM. I did wake up to see lots of people looking at me! I trust his knowledge and that is most important, but it is nice that we have a great relationship!

      27 days ago
    • gailfitz's Avatar
      gailfitz

      I have a wonderful oncololgist. Completely trust her. We have been winning the battle since 2013. The group gets back to me the same day if I am having any issues. And I her her diredt cell number. If you are not comfortable with your doctors, find a new one.

      27 days ago

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