• What's Pride Got to Do with It?

    Asked by IKickedIt on Saturday, April 6, 2013

    What's Pride Got to Do with It?

    Recently, an extended family member was diagnosed with advanced colon cancer at the same time finding out he needs a quadruple bypass. All of this because he was too "proud" to listen to doctors who told him 9 years ago he had 80% blockages & needed surgery. Instead, he kept going to doctors until he found one who told him he could live with the condition without having surgery. At 78, he finally had his first colonscopy & they found a small mass, but told him to just monitor it because he was too "proud" to go through with surgery. Now, he has a complete obstruction and most likely, Stage IV. Being a colon cancer survivor, I am completely dumbfounded not by his "pride" but by his stupidity. Do I not understand what is meant by "pride?" His daughter says he has too much pride to share this with anyone. Please explain. Do people not think about how their actions or inactions are going to affect the lives of their loved ones? Can anyone explain this concept of "pride" to me?

    8 Answers from the Community

    8 answers
    • dfs13's Avatar

      I wonder if it is "pride" or "shame". Some people are ashamed to tell anyone they have a bowel problem. They just don't want to discuss it. Some people are ashamed to admit they have anything wrong with them.. that they are not perfect just as they are. Either way, you are right that they think they are protecting their loved ones from bad news when in reality, they are condemning them to hear worse news later.

      over 5 years ago
    • Queen_Tatiana's Avatar

      Pride? With the way you describe him searching for a doctor to tell him he doesn't need surgery it sounds more like denial. He doesn't want to be sick so he'll find someone to tell him he isn't. Do you know if his daughter has discussed the consequences of his actions with him? The cancer isn't going to disappear on it's own and in fact will surely grow worse and he will most likely die from it. It sounds harsh but it might be time for his family to have the "come to Jesus" talk with him and let him know that by ignoring the reality he is not going to be OK and the time has come to make changes and make decisions on his health. I hope his daughter, and other family members, can get through to him and he does get the treatment he needs for all his health issues. My thoughts are with you all and I wish you the best.

      over 5 years ago
    • SueRae1's Avatar

      I do not understand this, but I know people exactly like your family member. I believe, that they practice "magical thinking", if they don't acknowledge the issue, it doesn't exist, if it doesn't exist, there is no issue. I have a friend who waited 20 years to have fibroids removed from her Uterus, in that time it went from a very small mass to the size of an 8 month baby, and was effecting her internal organs. She needed a complete hysterectomy.

      I also know or have known several people who act as if they don't have diabetes, include above mentioned friend. Those that are still alive (at 3 died of complications), have suffered horrific problems I am so sad because there is so much in life we can not control, to see someone throwing away at taking proactive steps with health issues makes me angry.

      over 5 years ago
    • Peroll's Avatar

      I have recently seen a bilboard in our area that says something like "This year 10,000 men will die from ignorace" I just guessed at the number and I probably didn't get the words correct but the idea is there. On this site we have had a number of people seeking approval for a decision to not have treatment. I think both of these things are simnilar to this situation where someone Dr shops for the dianisis they want. I don't think it is pride or shame but ignorance, denial or fear. I know that whenI was first diagnosed I though the worst. I didn't know about all of the ttreatment options and the prognisis for survival. This communioty is the wrong place for people seeking permission to just give up as none of the regulars here have given up or are ever likely to do so. My wife has made it slear to me that if I try and give up and die she will kill me!!! In a case like this one the best thing that can be done is for the family to: 1) Do some research on the treatments available and the chances for survival and 2) Confront the individual in a loving and supporting manner that makes them aware that they have strong supporet from the family and that the family does not waht to loose them to the cancer or other health issues. In some cases this may not work but if that is the case nothing will work. Good Luck

      over 5 years ago
    • gwendolyn's Avatar

      In my experience men of his generation don't like to admit they have any physical frailties at all, never mind something serious. Admitting they need to take Rx or have surgery or other medical treatment is a sign of weakness in their minds. Very frustrating for those who care about them. I'm not sure what you can do in this situation other than to somehow get them to accept treatment while allowing them to "save face."

      over 5 years ago
    • CAS1's Avatar

      I don't think its Pride I think its Fear.

      over 5 years ago
    • alivenwell's Avatar

      Which is worse? The coronary obstruction or colon cancer? Is he at risk for proceding with surgery for colon cancer due to coronary issues? Would two specialists be willing to operate on him within a short time? It sounds like a tough decision.

      over 5 years ago
    • punker1976's Avatar

      Well I guess some people may be embarrassed by colon cancer as it is not an attractive conversation starter. I have stage 4 also and everyone that I talk to i tell them to have the test DONE. it is not a big deal and it can save your life. I have had a colonoscopy twice in 6 years and the last time they caught this little piece of work. We have sooooo much technology working for us now it would be a foolish thing to waste any of it.

      over 5 years ago

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