• ~What Would You Do Wednesday~? You love your doctor, but his nurse is not outgoing, doesn't really get rude, but seems like she doesn't like

    Asked by GregP_WN on Wednesday, October 1, 2014

    ~What Would You Do Wednesday~? You love your doctor, but his nurse is not outgoing, doesn't really get rude, but seems like she doesn't like

    her job, or maybe you. Do you keep it to yourself or do you bring it up with the doctor and risk that relationship getting dinged?

    17 Answers from the Community

    17 answers
    • cam32505's Avatar
      cam32505

      My pcp doctor has a nurse who is getting older and is tired if you have a late appt in the day. She used to be sharp with me, but since I've had cancer, she seems to have a soft spot for me. One day, my niece took my mother to pcp for me because I had to work. She didn't know how to work my mother's oxygen (and neither did my mother), so I told her to just ask the nurse when they got to the doctor's office (1 block from my house). Anyway, the nurse yelled at my niece for not knowing how to work the portable oxygen. I couldn't turn it on before I went to work or it would have been empty for the appt and my niece didn't have time to come over before the appt for me to show her how it worked. Anyway, now that niece is working as a nurse's aid, so I guess she got some practice from my mother. But, needless to say, the nurse should have been more compassionate given the circumstances. You can't miss work constantly to take an elderly person to the doctor, so sometimes you have to take what you can get. But, the pcp was too good to let his nurse drive me away. He's very persistant and investigates til he finds the answer or at least a clue to send you to the right specialist.

      almost 7 years ago
    • kkcomm's Avatar
      kkcomm

      I would take it up with the nurse first. Just tell her that you get the feeling that you have somehow offended her and that if you have it was unintentional. You know the old kill em with kindness deal. I know that I left a job one time that I hated because I felt the person that I worked with didn't want me there. I was shocked on my last day when she broke down in tears because she wanted to know why I didn't like her. I left with the feeling that if we had just had an honest, open conversation we would have been good friends. Instead we both spent about 6 months being miserable.

      almost 7 years ago
    • BuckeyeShelby's Avatar
      BuckeyeShelby

      Well, this isn't a "cancer" thing or even truly a "me" thing. When I was little (maybe 4 or 5), my mom took me to the dentist. Now I had a bad reaction to the grit they used back a million years ago to clean teeth, and I threw up on the hygenist. She decided I was sick, drug me out to the waiting room, threw me at my mom and told her not to bring me back until I was well. My mom KNEW I wasn't sick. She gave the dentist what for. We never saw that hygenist again... Mom got her fired. Just an example of sticking up for what is right. If there is a problem, no one might know unless the boss is told. And if no one cares about correcting the problem, whether through counseling or telling a worker they may be in the wrong field, it's time to find a new doctor.

      almost 7 years ago
    • alimccalli's Avatar
      alimccalli

      I agree with kkcomm. I think I would say something to the nurse first. It would be an issue for me because it seems like no matter how much you might like the doctor, it is the nurses you spend the most time with and get the most help from. I would try the kill them with kindness thing first, and then if nothing improved, I would take it up with the doctor or someone else in the office. Ideally there would be an office manager or someone like that who I could speak with to express my concerns. I would also say something in the online surveys that it seems like all my doctors offices are doing these days to improve 'service'...

      almost 7 years ago
    • Jalemans' Avatar
      Jalemans

      The NP at my gynecologist's office doesn't seem to like me at all & it started the 1st time I saw her. The thing is that she kept confusing me with another patient. In one instance she shoved a parking pass to me (parking costs & you get a discount, but you pay out of pocket) & said (rather sharply), "here is the parking pass you asked for". I shoved it back & told her that I didn't ask for a parking pass & hadn't even driven myself that day. My guess is that the person she keeps confusing me with must be rather demanding. The first time I saw her she gave me the fact sheet for the wrong chemo drug (I believe it was a drug the person she confuses me with was given). There have been other instances. She isn't really rude, just rather sharp & not at all kind. How would one even complain about such a thing? Tell doc that NP should be nicer to me? That really sounds like a whiner!

      almost 7 years ago
    • lilymadeline's Avatar
      lilymadeline

      Fortunately my oncologist has great oncology nurses, but I have had doctors with lousy nurses in the past and I have complained. Don’t you know me by now? I always complain! ;-) But actually if I remember correctly, it has happened only twice in my life. I complained both times, one doctor was very defensive said she was having problems at home and gave me way too much information about her life! But when my rhumatologist had a snippy nurse working for him, he practiced internal medicine as well so I saw him all the time...anyway she was so rude that I called up a friend that also went to him and we spent about an hour on the phone complaining about her to each other. We decided that he needed to know how she treated patients when he wasn’t present so each of us called him up and let him know how rude she was. He actually was really apologetic about it and said that he would speak to her...in fact when I spoke to him I kind of felt that he had received other complaints because he wasn’t a bit surprised to hear me complain about her. Well, the next time I saw him she wasn’t there. I didn’t ask what happened but my friend Marsha did, and I guess she was fired after yet another complaint. She just wasn’t in the right profession or in the right office. Both of us felt really bad that she lost her job, but Marsha said that he had had a lot of problems with her so I guess it was best for everyone that she find another place to work.....that is my long story about complaining about a nurse! But obviously I think that the doctors need to know because it reflects on their practice.

      almost 7 years ago
    • kalindria's Avatar
      kalindria

      I mention it. I've done it. The medical profession is, at its heart, a customer service industry and I am the customer. I will state my case to whoever runs the staff calmly, politely, factually but I will state it. No personal attacks and no opinions. If that doesn't help, I would go directly to the doctor. If the behavior persisted, I have no problem saying something to the nurse. But that's a much more difficult conversation and needs to be handled delicately.

      But YES! Speak up. Say something. Nothing gets better if you don't talk about the issues.

      almost 7 years ago
    • Hussy's Avatar
      Hussy

      If the nurse is not outright rude and as along as she is doing her job, then I don't really care. Of course it's obviously more pleasant when the nurse is pleasant (and I have to say that has been the case 99.9% of the time) but I don't need the nurse to like me. It's on the nurse, not me, and anyway, I've got bigger issues to deal with.

      almost 7 years ago
    • waytogodonna's Avatar
      waytogodonna

      I'm a registered nurse and even though i may be tired or having problems at home, etc., the patient comes first! tell the nurse you are upset with her and why. some patients are really very difficult personalities and it doesn't help when they are ill or anxious. we see all kind of behavior! still, we are there to help.

      almost 7 years ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      This was absolutely the case with my first oncologist. I never said anything, but likely should have. On my last visit there, he explained that their practice was for profit and that they knew they had to be different than research hospitals. (My experience at the research hospital where I go is that they are, without exception, caring and personable.) I think he would have probably been interested to hear that the staff (the person checking us in, the person taking our vitals, and his nurse ... and to a lesser extent, even the chemo nurses) were either outright rude (his nurse and the person taking vitals) or uncaring (chemo nurses). There is no comparison between the personnel where I go now (fabulous) and where I started.

      almost 7 years ago
    • Janetspringer's Avatar
      Janetspringer

      I have had nurses who though not rude tended to be unfriendly. This seems to be more common in larger practices where the doctors do not hire their own nurse.

      almost 7 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      Thanks for your view on this @waytogodonna, it's always nice to get the perspective of a nurse (in this case). For me, in these types of cases, I guess I have turned into a crotchety old man, because I will tell one of them in a heartbeat that if they don't like their job that they should go find one that they do like. If they ask why I am saying that I will point out that their attitude is showing that they do not like their job, or where they are. It's not our fault or our problem, we have enough problems to deal with as it is and I don't expect to have to be their counselor to help them get a better attitude. Sorry, but this is one case where we are just entitled to have people that are kind, caring, and display that they are happy to be there and honored to be able to take care of us. I can go to the grocery store and get treated rude, nasty, and have to put up with those type of people.

      almost 7 years ago
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      I had a nurse that disliked me so much that she always weighed me in as being exactly 10 lbs heavier than I was. Off course that set it off with the doctor about losing weight. That was when I was thin. at least thinner. The doctor said that she had the best nurse, and she didn't know why people picked on such a wonderful nurse. I had said- I don't weigh that much-your scale isn't at that level. Why are you doing this? She told me that I deserved it. I asked her why? Because she didn't like me. That doctor told me to quit putting donuts in my pie hole.. I had to go to a dietician, get weighed and go to the doctor for an appointment the same day- and take my thyroid labs. I wanted them to know what that nurse was doing-----That way I skipped a 9 month waiting list for a new doctor.

      almost 7 years ago
    • krbrowndog's Avatar
      krbrowndog

      I had this happen to me, while in CCU. the nurse was nasty accusing me of causing my own cancer by smoking and drinking in my youth which wasn't true anyway. At this crucial time in my recovery from extensive surgery accusations was the last thing I needed. My wife was with me at the time this happened and went straight to the charge nurse and when this didn't yield any results went to the hospital administrator. That was the last time we saw that nurse. We later found out that she was simply moved from CCU to another unit in the hospital so it became someone else's problem. Not the best solution and perhaps there was more to it then we know, but a solution none the less.

      almost 7 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      I'll have to say I'm sorry to hear all these stories about bad care. I've always felt like that if you didn't like what you are doing, you should find another career, especially when these people are dealing with life or death situations lots of times.

      almost 7 years ago
    • meyati's Avatar
      meyati

      Greg, nurses talk about how demeaning, crappy a nursing job can be. Dealing with sick patients-Duh! As a teacher, I've been vomited on, splattered by vomit, coughed on. The only time I caught anything was when a teen leaned into me-so he could be sincere-and I was talking, while filling out his nurse pass- he coughed bloody phlegm into my mouth and nose. I was one of the few that waited a half of an hour and called the office to make sure they went to the nurse.

      A nurse might be around my bad temper for 5-8 minutes. In today's world of single working parents-students often don't have a place to go to-nobody to pick them up. The nurses' office are often filled. I kept quilts and comforters that I could place in a classroom corner. I took them home and washed them as other teachers do. I kept crackers and bottled water for these students. I'd call the next classes and talk to those teachers. They often marked the student as present-some would come over and check on the student. pick up a popsicle at the cafeteria, and bring it. I had mothers with nothing bring in extra towels, whatever. My students were from 14 (precocious geniuses) to 19-quit school for a while- sometimes for cancer or jail.

      Sometimes a person has to deal with an angry parent-I told them to go to the school board- better yet run for the school board.

      If anyone thinks that I was the only teacher that did this, you're way wrong. A neighborhood will try to find a reliable veteran or retiree that will pick up sick kids from school. My son was such a person. Because I had surgery and radiation in my nose- my menges isn't an effective barrier, he no longer picks up sick kids from schools.

      I really think that the nurses don't know that their job isn't that bad. They aren't cleaning someone up, trying to get water down them, it's against the law to give anyone an aspirin or Tylenol. You and the class keeps calling neighbors, family, cousins, friends. So when a nurse or medical staff complains-I just smile-the truth might give them a nervous break down--Usually some classmate might get a cousin's wife that will come on over. That has to be timed-to get the person into the nurse, while the student and adult arrive-otherwise the student is returned. Did I say that school nurses liked me. Then I come and pay for a nurse to weigh me, take my temp-- and they complain to me or treat me poorly?

      almost 7 years ago
    • Phoenix76's Avatar
      Phoenix76

      When I stayed in the hospital after my operation, the night nurse had an attitude - like I was an imposition. After I was home, I got a routine call from the hospital staff asking for feedback about my stay. I was calm, told the truth, told them what this nurse said and did, told them how I felt being treated that way, and thoughts about what could be improved. I don't know if she was fired or not, but I usually try to first go to the person in charge - be it the doctor or an office manager, and try to give the person the benefit of the doubt, but nonetheless will complain if I'm not treated with respect and courtesy.

      almost 7 years ago

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