• when I think a person is getting incorrect or insufficient medical advice, Should I say something , or respect their Dr/patient relationship

    Asked by sofarsogood on Wednesday, March 14, 2012

    when I think a person is getting incorrect or insufficient medical advice, Should I say something , or respect their Dr/patient relationship

    What would be the most effective way to approach this?

    11 Answers from the Community

    11 answers
    • Staci1219's Avatar

      I would be concerned and talk to them about it and ask them if they are happy with their diagnosis and depending on what their answer is go from there and talk about what I would do if it were me about getting a second opinion and see what they say.

      over 4 years ago
    • markmather's Avatar

      Its always good to get a second opinion whenever there is uncertainty. And also good to fully respect the Dr/patient relationship.

      over 4 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar

      If your referring to something the dr. has said, or suggested, just ask questions, let them know your concerned, make them explain and convince your why this is what you should do. Just because they say it, doesn't make it so. If your not satisfied, you should seek other advice. I quit believing that all dr.s have our best interest in mind a long time ago. Some do, others don't.

      over 4 years ago
    • sofarsogood's Avatar

      Doctors are being urged and taught to practice by the numbers.
      I have invasive lobular carcinoma. This cancer is highly likely to re-occur in the other breast. Yet women aren't being informed about this and are steered towards getting a lumpectomy. Ninety percent of women do fine with a lumpectomy (we are told), but think about it. In a room of 100 women having lumpectomies, 10 of them will be taken down by recurrence. Those odds are not good when talking about a deadly disease: we're not talking about getting a rash, or something. I was not willing to keep both breasts, or even just one breast, then sit around and wait for the cancer to come back

      over 4 years ago
    • HelenLand's Avatar

      I find this hard to answer. You say "a person". Is it a family memeber or a good friend? If yes, then ask more questions and express your concerns in a loving way. If it is an acquaintance, then be cautious. I hated all the unsolicited advice I was given during treatment from people that did not have the details.

      over 4 years ago
    • leepenn's Avatar

      In my opinion, I think the answer is both....

      I'm going to go with an example. For me, people were surprised that I had surgery after chemo, as this is not yet the common route. Some people would just outright say, oh my gosh, you need to get that cancer out and have surgery first! Others would say, oh, that's interesting, why surgery first? Still others would say something like, did your doc explain why surgery first?

      I like the - oh - that's interesting... why surgery first approach. It tells me that the person is paying attention, interested in what I am talking about, and interested in knowing the reasons why the treatment plan was as it was. After explaining, I did have a handful of people suggest I get a second opinion. I think that's totally fine. No problem.

      Another example. One guy called me at all known phone numbers, emailed me, and facebooked me that I had to - just had to - check out this thing called the sound chair (hour drive away one way... or spend thousands to buy one) because it would absolutely save my life. When I finally talked to him, he really gave me a hard time about not checking out his miracle cure and basically said that I was making a decision that I did not want to live. Ok - this was not okay with me. He was aggressive - he was overbearing - he did not listen to me - he was not respectful of the decisions we had come to regarding my treatment plan.

      Overall, I would say that most people were kind and respectful. The disrespectful people really were the exception, not the rule.

      So, if this person is close to you, then I suggest listening carefully... then expressing your concerns regarding the treatment plan. If this person is a friend, but not a good friend, then I highly recommend the oh that's interesting, but why approach. If the treatment plan really seems off to you, ask if you might describe what you've learned about cancer treatments.... and about the possibility of a second opinion....

      Above all - if you are asked to back off... Please do that. And then make sure that this person knows you're there for support and whatever it is that you can provide....

      Just my two cents.


      over 4 years ago
    • sofarsogood's Avatar

      These are great answers. Actually, I was thinking about response to a post on Whats Next, but you all gave me more to think about. I think it's Ok to question, but not judge, and with great sensitivity.

      over 4 years ago
    • leepenn's Avatar

      A response on whatnext? I think it is definitely okay to question. I've been questioned in how I responded once, and it was totally cool. I had been quite unclear in my language, and another member corrected me, and I thought that was terrific. That is, after all, why many of us post the questions that we do. We WANT to know what people think... In some ways, reading about how people think about chemo and other treatments can really help us figure out how to make our hard decisions. Well - I should speak only for myself - that is definitely true for me. Sometimes, just posing the question gets me halfway there!

      over 4 years ago
    • JennyMiller's Avatar
      JennyMiller (Best Answer!)

      I think it is okay to make a comment -- if nothing else, it may be food for thought. Everyone is different and may be taking different paths on their journey -- and for their own reasons. For example, I personally would not choose the ice cap to save my hair or the ice mitts for my nails or chew ice chips to prevent mouth sores --- only because I want that chemo to reach every square inch of my body -- but then I can have a very paranoid nature where someone else would feel very differently. So -- I feel that comments should be welcome -- and the end decision should be the result of consultation with their oncologist. I have benefited so much from different comments -- such as taking Claritin for bone pain after Neulesta Shot and it really worked. So, as far as I am concerned, keep the comments, questions and answers coming.

      over 4 years ago
    • nancyjac's Avatar

      Just like all of our cancer experiences are unique, so are our courses of treatment and the reasons for making the decisions we make. It is similar to the glass half empty or half full analogy. Those same 100 women who have had cancer treatment and are in remission from a lumpectomy have a greater risk of being killed in a car accident or a heart attack than the 10% risk of subsequently developing cancer in the other breast. Women who decide against prophylactic mastectomies (single or bilateral) aren't necessarily ill informed, they may just have made a different decision.

      over 4 years ago
    • MichaelV's Avatar

      In this world of information we all must keep in mind that the doctor or doctors we are dealing with are just like you and I only they studied medicine in stead of plumbing, household engineering, business, the law, physics, automotive engineering, etc. you get the idea. No one person has all the answers and many times it takes a collection of people to arrive at a logical suggestion being presented with known facts about you. Ask away until YOU feel comfortable that you are doing what is right for you and not what is right for the professional providing the information. Mainstream is really wide and runs at a face pace and it is easy to drown in it, but perhaps you do not want to end up where it is going to take you. You are the captain and you get to steer your own ship. One really great example of this thought train is Suzanne Somers book, :Knockout". I think every woman faced the the decisions breast cancer brings should read this book:


      Know you might ask, "What the heck do I know, I'm a man?". I have lost too many friends and family to cancer and one thing I have learned is there are many options because each case if as different as a persons face. Find what is good for you may not work for the next person, choose what makes you feel confident that you will win the battle. OK, leaving my soapbox now.
      All my best to you in your process and remember you are not alone in this battle.
      Wishing you all that you wish for yourself.

      over 4 years ago

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