• Bug's Avatar

    Would a Doctor Do This?

    Asked by Bug on Sunday, August 4, 2019

    Would a Doctor Do This?

    A question by another WhatNexter about communication with their doctor made me think of this...

    In the past I have not questioned what a doctor recommended because I was afraid that if they felt I was questioning their expertise or knowledge that they might become annoyed or insulted and not do their best to help me. Do you think a doctor would really do that?

    I do question them now - always very gently and respectfully as I would with anyone in any profession - but I will say that this is always in the back of my mind.

    16 Answers from the Community

    16 answers
    • Created07's Avatar
      Created07

      When my oncologist put me on Anastrozole after breast cancer, the side effects were so bad I asked if the positive outweighed the bad. He didn't get angry. He said, "Let's see.". He pulled out his laptop and started typing away. When he finished, he looked at me with a smile. The difference between taking and not taking in my situation was about.03%. His next words..."Why don't we take you off this medication.". He hugged me...don't think he was upset. If I felt that my questioning would in any way alter my treatment because of a doctor's ego, I would Never go to him again.

      2 months ago
    • andreacha's Avatar
      andreacha

      Bug In my experience, if I come across a doctor who gets offended because I ask a question about something he recommends, that's the last time I see that doctor. Created07 obviously has a great Oncologist that takes that extra step when his patient is having a problem with the prescribed treatment and felt comfortable around her doctor and was not afraid to ask him.
      A doctor who would get offended or angry with a question from a patient is a doctor who thinks he knows it all and would never open a computer to do any research regarding that question as Created07's doctor did.

      2 months ago
    • LiveWithCancer's Avatar
      LiveWithCancer

      When i wanted to have radiation and my oncologist wanted me to wait around on another trial, our relationship was strained for a few months because i went against his recommendation. We are less strained now, but i don't know that he ever completely forgave me for choosing another option. I do not believe he will not do everything he can to keep me alive though.

      2 months ago
    • po18guy's Avatar
      po18guy

      They 'are' human, after all. I was blessed to find a hematologist who enjoys patient interaction, even challenges. It keeps him sharp and compels him to review his thoughts on a constant basis. He will not make a decision for the patient - it is our life and while he can recommend, it is our decision. I believe that is a substantial part of what has brought me through a 99.5% chance of expiring along the way.

      2 months ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      I used to take what they said as the way it was supposed to be. Then I started realizing that some of them are just there to get paid and don't truly have our best interest at heart 100%. I was shocked the first time I saw this happen but then got used to seeing it little by little more and more. Mainly at the local level. I've never had this happen at the major facilities. As for having one not do everything they could for me, I've not had that happen nor have I had a dispute over the plan. It's just some of the things they do and the time they spend with us seems to be shrinking. When you find one that will take their time with you and actually read your chart and act concerned for you, they are a keeper.

      2 months ago
    • ChildOfGod4570's Avatar
      ChildOfGod4570

      Personally, if my doctor would retaliate and give me more inferior treatment because I had to ask questions or say I wasn't comfortable with his decision, they would soon be minus one patient who would decide to get their care elsewhere. To me, bedside manner is just as important than medical expertise. We are the ones having various unpleasant plucks, prods, nooks, and crannies done to us, and I personally would rather have a doctor who listens, understands, and truly cares. It's intimidating enough to be sick, and it helps to have a doctor who knows exactly how scary being a patient can be. Long before I started a cancer journey, I heard them saying that to some effect on the final episode of MASH, an I never truly understood it until I was diagnosed and found myself sitting on the examination table scared out of my mind and thinking that it's easy for this doctor or chemo nurse to just tell me what we were going to do for my treatment plan when they most likely have never truly understood how scary this is. Now, I don't wish cancer on anyone, but I do think that every doctor or infusion nurse should take a moment to think, "If this were my mother(wife, daughter, sister), would I want her to have this treatment, knowing the side effects?" Would the doctor take this treatment themselves if they had to? This could be just me, but I wouldn't feel safe taking aggressive treatments from a doctor who wouldn't ... God forbid ... take it or give it to family because of how many side effects it has. It's just like in the days before designated hurricane shelters started allowing pets. People opted to remain in harm's way to stay with their pets, stating, "If my home isn't safe for me and I must evacuate, isn't it just as unsafe for my pet?" And they choose to stay and protect the pet and property. OK I admit I am rambling, so I had better stop now before I get way off course. Sometimes I just pull out the soap box and start venting. ;) I do hope you find a doc who will listen to you and take your questions to heart and go over the answers for you. HUGS and God bless.

      2 months ago
    • CancerChicky's Avatar
      CancerChicky

      I had a question about my treatment plan and brought it up with my doctor. I have researched my treatment and cancer thoroughly and wanted to know why I was getting the drug I am and not another one. He stopped and sat down, then slowly explained everything to me. I was pleased and he was not angry. I guess it just depends on the attitude of your doctor.

      2 months ago
    • ChildOfGod4570's Avatar
      ChildOfGod4570

      When I learned I needed 2 additional chemo infusions, my doctor simply said I would be OK since I did well before and once they put the precautions into place. Somehow, that wasn't enough forme. I made an appointment with the infusion nurse, who took time to sit down with me and explain exactly why I was going to have those extra infusions. It helped, and after that, I began to actually like my nurse and saw her as a person and not just a professional who would infuse me and send me on my way once it was over. I was even talking to her in the chemo room and engaged in small talk with her all those times after active treatment was over, for she was the one who cleaned out my port every 6 weeks. HUGS and God bless.

      2 months ago
    • fiddler's Avatar
      fiddler

      I think many doctors would. Those are the ones where I would get up and walk out, telling the front desk to not dare bill the insurance company because I will contest the charges. Then I would find a user-friendly doc.

      2 months ago
    • hikerchick's Avatar
      hikerchick

      I have had a doctor blow off all my questions, shake my hand, tell me it was good to see me, and walk out. Yes, even among doctors there are all kinds of people in this world. Self-advocating is an absolute necessity. And changing doctors is always an option.

      2 months ago
    • Bug's Avatar
      Bug

      ChildOfGod4570, relative to your comment about the doctor thinking, "If this were my wife...would I want her to have this...", I have started asking my doctors what they would do if it was their wife or sister, etc., that they were treating. If it's a doctor I know pretty well I have jokingly added, "...assuming you like that person...". Anyway, I think it's a good question.

      2 months ago
    • jvbaseballmom2's Avatar
      jvbaseballmom2

      I had an oncologist who I was a patient of for 12 years - since the time I was first diagnosed. My oncologist wanted me to come off of letrozole after being on it for five years. After showing my dr. an article which showed new research on the benefits of staying on letrozole for more than 5 years, she got very upset with me, started raising her voice at me and told me I needed to get off my security blanket (letrozole), and that she could never guarantee my cancer would never return. After I went to my car and broke down in tears due to her treatment towards me, I realized that despite her being a good “medical” dr, I did not deserve to be treated that way. I found another oncologist who is also a good physician but has a better bedside manner, and doesn’t get upset when I ask questions. We do have rights as a patient, and a good physician should be open to answering questions and taking into consideration the patients thoughts and concerns. .

      2 months ago
    • aeasghMX's Avatar
      aeasghMX

      I'm sure there are doctors that have a big ego that wouldn't want a patient questioning them. For me, my team is very good and do a good job of talking to us and explaining everything that is going on. I can't see this facility having a doctor that would do that. But I'm sure everyone is subject to having a bad day.

      2 months ago
    • carm's Avatar
      carm

      Just a small fact...according to the United States Patients bill of rights, oncologist are supposed to offer two options for treatment.

      2 months ago
    • Bug's Avatar
      Bug

      carm, I had no idea. Do you know if that applies to other doctors?

      2 months ago
    • carm's Avatar
      carm

      @ChildOfGod4570,
      I understand how a bad experience can taint the objective. I just wanted to say that as an oncology nurse, I have given my all in the service of my patients. My last vacation was in 2010, and I am available to all patients 24/7, every day including holidays. A good oncology nurse knows that our job is to advocate for those we serve. There is never a moment in a day where I don't think, "There but by the grace of God, go I. " Many of us do feel it is more of a calling than an occupation and...the pain of losing a great warrior rips at the very thread we hang from. There is good or bad in any profession. Many oncology nurses fear too much interaction will hurt them; especially if they lose that patient. But...we understand you, care more than you realize, and walk that last mile into that last good night more than anyone should ever in a lifetime. So sometimes we need you to understand our fears too. You teach us just as much as we teach you.
      @Bug, I do know...the answer to your question is no...only oncologists because of the many years before when pharm houses kept doctors extremely happy pushing their drug over there competitors. So when a doctor tells you a treatment plan, you should always ask, "I will read about the drug(s) you recommend, but if I feel uncomfortable with the therapy, what other agents are an alternative to your suggestion? " Then you force them to give you a second choice.

      2 months ago

    Help the community by answering this question:

    Create an account to post your answer Already have an account? Sign in!

    By using WhatNext, you agree to our User Agreement, and Privacy Policy


    Read and answer more breast cancer questions.  Also, don't forget to check out our Breast Cancer page.