• Young moms?

    Asked by Valgal1119 on Friday, September 7, 2012

    Young moms?

    Any one else diagnosed so young with children? It's such a unique and challenging experience. I was 27 and had 2 year old twin boys when I was diagnosed 2 years ago. Thankfully I'm doing well, but I would love to hear about anyone else with a similar story. It's hard not to feel alone sometimes.

    6 Answers from the Community

    6 answers
    • Lirasgirl33's Avatar

      Hi Valgal
      I'm so glad to hear you are doing well! :) So your boys are now 4 years old? Being so young did you you ever tell them what exactly was going on as you were diagnosed and going through treatment? I'm 34...dunno if you think that's old, haha, I know before hitting 30 I felt like anything after 30 yrs of age was old. :D After going to my cancer center where everyone was 55+ and everyone kept calling me a baby...maybe I'm starting to believe it! LOL :) Anyways, I was diagnosed this year and my son and daughter were 10 & 13 yrs old then. My boyfriend has twin daughters and they at the time were 14 yrs old. They have all been the driving force that got me through all this. I am truly just thankful for whatever amount of time I have on this earth to spend with my family and friends. Life isn't a guarantee for anyone on this earth, so we gotta make the most of it. :)

      almost 6 years ago
    • DeeHenn's Avatar

      My son turned four the day of my first surgery and my daughter was 9.
      It was terrible. I would have panic attacks when I thought that I would not see them grow up. My throat would close, my head would spin and I couldn't breathe or see clearly. I felt like I was trapped in that state. My husband would have to help me breathe and help me get into a bubble bath with music and candles. He just kept talking to me until I stopped the panic and could breath again. I wasn't afraid to die. I was devastated about losing my family if I died.
      It was very difficult to know how much I should share with my children and how much I should keep to myself. On one hand, if I died, I did not want them to be surprised or shocked; on the other hand, I didn't want them to worry about me dying.
      My husband and I decided to tell the kids as much as we felt they could understand and cope with for their age and maturity. My daughter was more profoundly affected. She was a quiet and independent child. I always knew when I was looking really sick because she would snuggle up nest to me and lay her head in my lap and never say a word...just lay with me. My son did not understand the dire situation. He thought it was funny when I lost my hair. His laughter and her eyes kept me alive along with the strength of my husband's compassion.
      I am twelve years out from diagnosis now. My daughter just graduated from Vassar College and my son is a rock star baseball player.
      Hang on to the love and stay strong...one day at a time they tell you...and that is the way to survive.

      almost 6 years ago
    • CountryGirl's Avatar

      My kids were 10 and 11. I was 40. Working on my second year like you. I'd be glad to talk. Email me.

      almost 6 years ago
    • Valgal1119's Avatar

      Yes, they are 4 now. They don't know what happened, just that mommy is sick a lot or has ouchies. They have learned compassion early on and are the sweetest caretakers. We're not hiding cancer from them, they just don't understand any of it now. I don't think they know anything different. They didn't care when I was bald, they just loved to rub the fuzz. In some ways I am grateful they've been so young through this. They will not remember most of this and will only know from pictures. I hope it will be better for them.

      almost 6 years ago
    • DeeHenn's Avatar

      Yes being so young will help them not to be afraid and to forget how sick you were. You just keep looking into their sweet eyes and listening to their amazing voices and let that be fuel for your recovery. Even twelve years out, I still worry every now and again. And I have a great deal of complications from the treatments...kidney and liver damage....very weak immune system and a benign tumor on my thyroid....I still get irritated when I get sick more quickly and can't do everything that the family does. But I try to find joy in their laughter and stay amazed at what my kids can do...and my husband is still helping me every day.

      almost 6 years ago
    • brcmom's Avatar

      Sadly, you are far from alone! I was 30 with an 18 month old at the time of my dx . After an easy first pregnancy, my husband and I were excited to try for baby #2. Then came my diagnosis and learning that another pregnancy would not be in my future was almost more difficult to accept than the cancer dx. Growing up as the youngest of 3 sisters, I strongly believe in the positive power of sibling relationships and always planned for 3-4 kids of my own. I remember bringing my son to preschool with my bald head and chemo side effects and it seemed that every mom at drop-off and pick-up had a big pregnant belly. I recall overhearing them commiserate about the trials of pregnancy (as I most certainly had done 2 years prior) and feeling completely disconnected from their "normal" lives. I felt resentful for what i lost and guilty about what I brought to my marriage and motherhood. Cancer forever changed my family and our perspective on life. But not all was for the worst.
      I am nearly 6 years from my diagnosis and about to celebrate my younger son's 3rd birthday. My oldest sister was our surrogate and our savior. (My middle sister tested positive for the BRCA2 gene mutation after my diagnosis and had preventative surgery.) Although the illusion of eternal youth and carefree living was taken from me at a young age, I feel that I am wise beyond my years in many ways. I have also met many other young survivors whose life plans came to a screeching halt with their cancer diagnoses. I encourage you to seek out a local branch of Young Survival Coalition (I have no affiliation with the group) or similar support group to connect with young survivors in your area. Please email with any questions!

      almost 6 years ago

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