CC45's Journey with Breast Cancer

Our mother had died of breast cancer at age 48, many years ago, and both my sisters and myself made sure we got our annual mammos. One of my sisters was diagnosed with IDC in the fall of 2011 thru regular mammo. I immediately called my gyno to have an MRI done, because it would offer better imaging for my dense breast tissue. My gyno wouldn't authorize the MRI, but she did write a script for a sonogram, as well as the usual mammo. Both tests came back with benign results, except the sono showed a small nodule, that needed a six month follow up. Instead of waiting, I went to a breast surgeon, and she ordered the MRI, which led to biopsy, which led to the ILC cancer diagnosis, which led to lumpectomy and sentinal node dissection. Upon procedure, both nodes were benign. However, upon full pathology, one node did have cancer cells. After discussing results and best treatment options, I decided to have the bilateral mastectomy, with immediate reconstrution. Upon full pathology, two more nodes were found to have cancer cells. I am considered Stage II, T1N1M0. Moral to this part of story is that women with dense breast tissue should have annual MRIs, and be seen by Breast doctors, not gynocologists. I am now facing 16 weeks of chemo, plus possible radiation. Unfortunately, i am not handling this treatment prospect very well mentally. Full of anxiety, fear of side effects (short and long term), and general depression. I can't see myself actually sitting in that chair and having the chemo infused. I know i'm not alone in this, and was wondering if anyone can offer some advice on helping myself get to a better place mentally, so i can go into treatment with right mind set. I just started taking anti-depressant, and i'm seeing an onco psychotherapist.