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    boko7813 wrote on Seanamac's wall

    The what if's are eating me up. What if I would have paid more attention and seen that his health was getting worse. What if I got him to the hospital sooner. I know he is out of pain now but he was suppose to be my happy ever after.

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    boko7813 wrote on Seanamac's wall

    How do you deal with his loss. I know mine has only been a week but I keep doing the what if's.

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      Seanamac

      He passed away on August 5. 2012. The "what if's" were awful. It took me a long time, and a lot of psychologists visits, to get to a place where I know I did all I could and he knew that. There are still days I wonder what else I could have done, but I have to make a conscious effort to move away from those thoughts. It's hard. We do all we can, which we will never feel like it was enough, and have to live with that forever. But, I also keep reminding myself that he wouldn't want me beating myself up about it.

      To make the whole situation worse, our Dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a month after my brother's diagnosis and he passed away 20 days after my brother. So, not only did I have "what it's" for my brother, I have them with my Dad as well.

      The passing of time had helped, but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about them and wish I could have done more. I'm still sad and likely will be for the rest of my life. I miss them every day.

      about 3 years ago
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    boko7813 shared an experience

    Loss (Lost loved one): After 20months of treatment. In which my husband fought hard he lost the fight on 12-9-13

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    boko7813 started following

    Question: grief