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    boko7813 wrote on Seanamac's wall

    The what if's are eating me up. What if I would have paid more attention and seen that his health was getting worse. What if I got him to the hospital sooner. I know he is out of pain now but he was suppose to be my happy ever after.

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    boko7813 wrote on Seanamac's wall

    How do you deal with his loss. I know mine has only been a week but I keep doing the what if's.

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    • Seanamac's Avatar
      Seanamac

      He passed away on August 5. 2012. The "what if's" were awful. It took me a long time, and a lot of psychologists visits, to get to a place where I know I did all I could and he knew that. There are still days I wonder what else I could have done, but I have to make a conscious effort to move away from those thoughts. It's hard. We do all we can, which we will never feel like it was enough, and have to live with that forever. But, I also keep reminding myself that he wouldn't want me beating myself up about it.

      To make the whole situation worse, our Dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a month after my brother's diagnosis and he passed away 20 days after my brother. So, not only did I have "what it's" for my brother, I have them with my Dad as well.

      The passing of time had helped, but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about them and wish I could have done more. I'm still sad and likely will be for the rest of my life. I miss them every day.

      over 3 years ago
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    boko7813 shared an experience

    Loss (Lost loved one): After 20months of treatment. In which my husband fought hard he lost the fight on 12-9-13

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    boko7813 asked a questionSkin Cancer - Melanoma

    grief

    13 answers
    • melanomamama's Avatar
      melanomamama

      What a sad loss for you. I am glad that you could reach out to us so soon after his death. We are all baffled by this nasty cancer. There seems to be no rhyme or reason as to why some of us get a temporary reprieve from melanoma, and others don't. It sounds like he did all he could to beat it. Even with the best of medical care and the best of personal attitudes, the beast can pounce with little warning. I hope you find a way to navigate your grief.
      Constance Emerson Crooker

      over 3 years ago
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      boko7813

      When my husband diagnosed the primary area was his anal area. So at that time the Drs told us it would be hard to treat because it is in a spot when most people do not get it. So there is no set treatment. they tried yerovoy, interferon and then they tried a type of chemo. He was good one day and the next day he had breathing issues which lead him to the ER and that was it he was then transferred to another hospital and that was it,

      over 3 years ago
    • JackieK's Avatar
      JackieK

      I am deeply sorry for your loss...I have been struggling with melanoma for two and a half years now. I was diagnosed when I as 19 years old and have been scared of this happening to me. My melanoma has been a very fast acting one and it is because I have the b-raf mutation. Not everyone has this but maybe your husband did. I recommend doing an online research of both melanoma and the b-raf mutation. Take care.

      over 3 years ago