He passed away on August 5. 2012. The "what if's" were awful. It took me a long time, and a lot of psychologists visits, to get to a place where I know I did all I could and he knew that. There are still days I wonder what else I could have done, but I have to make a conscious effort to move away from those thoughts. It's hard. We do all we can, which we will never feel like it was enough, and have to live with that forever. But, I also keep reminding myself that he wouldn't want me beating myself up about it.
To make the whole situation worse, our Dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a month after my brother's diagnosis and he passed away 20 days after my brother. So, not only did I have "what it's" for my brother, I have them with my Dad as well.
The passing of time had helped, but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about them and wish I could have done more. I'm still sad and likely will be for the rest of my life. I miss them every day.