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    User: GregP_WN

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    Breath_Of_God asked a questionCancer of Unknown Primary

    I was diagnosed with deadly form of cancer that has spread. I'm leaning towards refusing treatment & question about dealing with loved ones

    7 answers
    • mgm48's Avatar

      My mother made the same decision you are contemplating. She explained to us the rationale behind her decision and over the years since her death, the entire family has held her up as a hero. It was great to have HER with us for one last Christmas and that's what we all remember. You and only you can make the decision about the quality of your life. I'm sure you have a bucket list. If that's what gives you quality, go ahead and do it. Your family will come to understand.

      Keep it positive and smile:)

      about 9 years ago
    • carm's Avatar

      Hello, I am an oncology/end of life nurse and I might be able to shed a bit of light on this topic. I can understand your frustration, and I can see where you would find yourself entertaining these thoughts. We work so hard in this life and expect nothing more than reward for our hours and years of dedication; then a disease suddenly changes your course. Of course, the choices in life we face are always ours alone to make. We were all given the gift of free will when we were given these lives we embody. Whatever happens, and no matter who objects the loudest, this will always be your decision to make. If you follow the suggestions of another because you fear the hurt an alternative decision will cause, then you are living your life their way, not your own way. Thats not how it was meant to be.

      Everyone, but the eminent dying and those of us who care for them, fear death. It is that variable of the unknown. It has many associations to it, a face with many masks that spans the globe through culture and and experience, Stories brought down from generation to generation. We come into this world with so much promise, so many goals and dreams, but death is not a part of them. We fear what we refuse to embrace. We reject the notion to look at it head on and see it for what it is. We think it is that dark end, when in reality, it is a rebirth. We cry at the thought of it without stopping to think that we have all done it before. We came kicking and screaming into this world, torn from our homes, though a birth canal into this life. Yet, we never seem to consider that. At some point in our lives, when our journey is almost done, down to precious days or hours, it comes to us all, the realization that we are going back home. I have heard this said to me by every patient, at every age, from every culture; and I have stood well over 500 as they have taken their last breath of earths' air.

      It can be very difficult to discuss your decision with family members. After all, how can you sell them on a concept you don't believe in yourself? If you should decide that you still have a will to live, then you owe it to yourself to seek treatment elsewhere. Every oncologist has a line in the sand, you just need to find one whose line is a little further down the beach. If you have the will to leave, then you must first come to terms with that decision and then approach your loved ones with your plan. Let them know that although you understand and hear their objections, this is your journey, they have their own and you would never try to alter theirs no matter how much you opposed their decision. Working in oncology, I see many patients who I feel should keep fighting, and many who should not. However, my job is to educate them so that they can make an informed decision, and then support that decision. I can not interject my personal thoughts into their decision making rationale, it just isn't my journey. You think of life in incriments of time, how many days, weeks, hours, holidays you have left. But time is man-made, in reality it does not exist. What exists are the moments in life. You step into a moment and then step into another. Moments are what is vital to us. We fall in love in a moment, we explode in emotion in a moment, we pause and reflect in moments. Moments that serve a purpose to us all. They serve to teach us about the things we will need to know when we leave this earth and begin our journey once again. In hospice we have an old saying, "The beauty of the flight is to glorify the sight."

      Before you decide to speak to your family, first speak to your heart. Embrace the concept you choose. If you embrace it, you cannot fear it. Once you have done that, then you can help others to except your decision. If they are upset, ask them what it is that you can do to help them though this? Ask them how they feel about your decision? Validate their concerns, but also help them to understand that as much as you value their input, this is a decision only you can make. It has to be made wihout bias or pressure. You would expect as much respect for that, as you would be willing to give them. I am always here if you need any help in the dialogue, after all, in my line of work, the best tool in my drawer is a good conversation. If you still feel that will to live, then do not deny it. There are other options. Always choose and never yield. I wish you all the best, Carm.

      about 9 years ago
    • Sweetmouth01's Avatar

      Hello and You and dear Please Pray. I am beginning to feel the same way due to not having any place to live to get back and forth to the doctor and having a place to live and not be stranded. I am scared that when God bless me to get to Atlanta Georgia to get to the doctor that I may be told that my health has worsen. I have two kids son age 27 with 2kids, and daughter age 20 with a 4month old son. I am the only child, deceased mom and dad. Family members are all over Atlanta, but does not care to help me espically the people whom I am residing with whom are my dad two sisters and one brother. I have no income, no health insurance, no life insurance, and God knows I do not want to leave my kids like this. All I am doing all day is crying, so it is so easy to tell some one to be strong when I find it hard to do myself. Lets keep intouch and please email me at [email redacted] if you would like. I am willing to be here at anytime for someone espically when they are facing hard decisions like myself. Read your Bible to find the most comfort, watch christains television stations, and listen to gospel music. I do the same

      almost 9 years ago
  • Breath_Of_God's Avatar

    Breath_Of_God shared an experience

    Decision Point