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    danpb13 posted an update

    hello all, my husband passed on October 25 @ 5:25 Am. its been almost a month since he has passed. At first i was numb & it was like he was on a trip, then i was mad because i found out stuff that wasn't done or finished that should have been (life insurance, SS, 401K ect) and now im so sad i can't sleep & hardly eat. i can't live without him. He is all i know we have been together since we were 15 & each others first as well as having 3 kids (23,18,17). 24yrs of togetherness waking up/sleeping next to each other. i miss his voice, his touch his smell. i am just barely hanging on here. everyone else (friends & family) seems to move on some but my nightmare continues & will for the rest of mine & my kids lives. we were that true love story!!!!

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    danpb13 asked a questionColorectal (Colon) Cancer

    end of life

    8 answers
    • kridalou's Avatar
      kridalou

      I am sorry for your loss. Allow your friends and family to help you as much as possible as you try to adjust to the changes coming your way.

      14 days ago
    • JaneA's Avatar
      JaneA

      I lost my first husband back in 2004. He was in ill health but died quite suddenly from renal failure. I isolated myself while I tried to process my life without him. I could see no future at first. Finally, my minister helped me. He said, "Your life as you knew it is over, but your life is not over."

      Those simple words helped me understand that I could learn to live again. It was not easy, but gradually, I made new friends. Then I moved and got a new job. I could often feel his presence and him telling me that he was proud of all of the things that I learned how to do by myself.

      I am so sorry. Losing our spouse is the worst part of being married. But life will return to your life. I have since remarried. I was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer in 2014, and my new husband was there for me throughout my treatment. God knows our needs.

      14 days ago
    • Jayne's Avatar
      Jayne

      I'm very sorry to hear of your husband's passing. It's a lonely place right now for you but eventually, and in your own time, your heart will start to heal. I agree with the comments made above not to do anything major for a bit. I found myself giving my husband's belonging to anyone who expressed an interest (including his precious Harley) and wonder now if that was my way of making sure other's would not forget him. We all get through this in our own way and time. For me it was a full 2 years before I stopped crying and the fun and good memories started replacing the grief. I have a friend who lost her husband to lung cancer and she was anxious to get out and start her life again after just a few months of his passing. So, I guess "What's Next" is a very personal story - but it's your story and it will continue even though your soul mate is not walking with you through it. The only advice I can share that helped me was to get out into nature - I would walk miles, talking to him through the clouds and sky and it helped me feel a connection. Be kind and patient with yourself, and those around you who might not know what to say but most certainly care. It's a journey none of us want to take, but our human resiliency is astounding - even if you don't feel that way right now.

      13 days ago
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    danpb13 asked a questionColorectal (Colon) Cancer

    Out of options

    6 answers
    • carm's Avatar
      carm

      You support his choices. If he wants to keep fighting, you help him seek another opinion. If his will to live becomes a will to leave, then you support that too knowing that your love isn't dependent on geography so it doesn't matter where he is...you will always have love for each other...no disease can take that from either if you. Best of luck to you Both.

      about 1 month ago
    • shayzzwayzz's Avatar
      shayzzwayzz

      I am just throwing this out there just in case anyone is interested.
      I have a friend that was diagnosed with terminal cancer and they gave her a short time to live. She and her family were desperately searching for options. She came across some information on a hospital in Rosarita Beach in Mexico, called hospital Santa Monica. She did some research and contacted the staff over there. They got her there right away and started her treatments. They set her family up with accommodations and lodging. They worked with her financial situation. She is still alive today 30 years later.
      They have a 99 percent cure rate.
      You may want to check into this. Here is the contact info
      http://www.cancure.org/11-list-of-clinics-in-the-united-states-offering-alternative-therapies/clinics-outside-of-the-us/68-hospital-santa-monica-donsbach-clinic

      http://www.cancure.org/directory-of-clinics

      about 1 month ago
    • Jayne's Avatar
      Jayne

      I too lost my husband to colon cancer and even though I went kicking and screaming, in the end I had to respect his decision to stop treatment. He was and always will be the love of my life. There is just no easy way to get through this but in retrospect, I wish I had gone for some grief counseling both before and after. I would also say that Hospice is so incredibly helpful and doesn't necessarily mean that you have given up - they have resources and tools to help you cope and find answers to many of the things spinning around your head. Or if that just doesn't feel right, you should be able to find some support where he receives treatment. Our memories and life together are something cancer can't ever take away.

      about 1 month ago
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    Question: Out of options

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