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    Lynne-I-Am wrote on derbygirl's wall

    I too am upset by this latest news and understand your need to get away . Crying is a release, a cathartic cleansing, not a show of weakness. When you feel up to it , I recommend you try an excercise tthat helped me. Write down everything you have been through these past years, as you write, you start reliving those experiences and for me , at least , the tears flowed. I was in a class with several other survivors and we all reached for the Kleenex. I am sending you tons of support to help get through this tough time and wishing you a successful surgery ahead.

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    derbygirl posted an update

    Today I received some upsetting news. After being diagnosed with ovarian cancer 10 years ago and carcinoid cancer 2 years ago, today I once again heard the words that we all have had to hear. Today the doctor told me that a biopsy that he did on my shin on my right leg was positive for melanoma. Needless to say, this frightened me more then the other 2 times because I know how aggressive melanoma can be, especially if it's not caught early. The doctors say this on my leg over a year ago and thought it was a spider bite and then residue from the bite. So to hear that today I have melanoma and not a spider bite, has scared me. My elderly mother, who is dependent on me for help, is currently in an extended care facility for physical therapy. I can't be there for her right now and I hate it because the doctor is arranging surgery for me as soon as possible. I've been so strong the past 10 years going through this fight twice as well as having 2 heart surgeries and many other medical issues plus being there for my mother. I just wonder how much longer I can continue to be strong. Every day gets harder and harder and I just don't know how much more I can go through before I finally sit down and cry. I was raised by my grandparents and my Nan always said crying was a sign of weakness and I was anything but weak. Even today when the doctor told me the results, I sat stoic and acted like he told me I had acne. I think he was surprised that I didn't break down. I ask my brother to drive me to the one place where I'm totally at peace to try to make sense of all this so for the next 3 days, I'll be vegging out on the beach looking out over the ocean. It's the one place where I can clear my mind of everything and begin to think rationally.

    • BoiseB's Avatar

      I am so saddened by this news, I am crying for you. I too taught that it was unladylike to cry or laugh or show any emotion. I beg you to cry I hope you come back from the beach somewhat refreshed. I will remember you in my prayers.

      2 months ago
    • SandiA's Avatar

      Hi! I am so sorry you are going through this. You have been through so much! I am a melanoma survivor! I was diagnosed in May 2014 and did two surgeries and radiation. In September 2014 I went in for scans and a follow up doctors appointment to be told I was cancer free, but instead they told me it came back and spread to other areas. I was leaving for the beach the next day and thought about canceling my trip but went ahead and went to the beach. I remember sitting on the beach crying my eyes out in the rain. My brother came to get me and talked me into going back to the house. I went back home after a week at the beach and started treatment. I finished treatment in July 2016 and currently NED. So there is hope! Lots of hope! Please take care of yourself! Allow yourself a good cry. I know I needed it. I personally also find the beach a place to think and refresh! I will be praying for you! ((Hugs)) Sandi

      2 months ago
    • Alisia's Avatar

      I’m new to Whatnext but truly felt a common bond with you, 1st the cancer fight we have in common & 2nd the ‘taught/learned’ attitude to ‘suck it up & never cry’. It takes great effort but I’m learning to cry; it’s a great emotional release & Ive read we can become physically &/or terminally ill by shutting down our emotions. Of course factors of environment, food choices & habits are factors. Wishing you healing & comfort

      2 months ago
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    Today is a day I never thought I'd get to celebrate. Today I am officially 10 years Ovarian Cancer Free! The past 10 years have been a rollercoaster ride for me but I had a lot of great people who took the ride right along with me, to support me and be there for me. So I want to take some time to say thank you to those who have shown me that I haven't been alone these past 10 years. First I have to thank my family, especially my Mom Lois Englehart and my brother Greg Englehart who have seen me at my best and at my worst in dealing with this monster known as cancer. They've been there to help me when I don't feel well, to support me when I need help, and love me no matter what. Second I want to thank my former coworkers who were there when I was first diagnosed and helped me so I was able to continue to work, at least for a short while, so my life seemed as normal as possible. Third I want to thank a very special friend who has been a source of guidance, support, advice, and a kick in the pants when I've needed it. Carol Notermann, you have truly been a gift from the Heavens above to me and I'm so grateful that you have helped me through everything these past 10 years. You showed me that I am stronger then any disease and all I have to do is stay positive and strong and I can beat this beast. Fourth I want to thank my friends, both from my childhood and college years and new ones, especially my Sisterhood of Ovarian Cancer Survivors and my horse racing friends who are part of Mike's Angels, who have encouraged me and helped me find ways to enjoy life. Last, but certainly not least, I want to thank the man that saved my life, Dr. William Bradford. It was 24 years ago that I switched doctors and started going to Dr. Bradford for care. I never imagined then just how important this man would become to me. Besides being my doctor, he has been a dear friend who has given me a shoulder to cry on, a sounding board for me to talk, and someone that I can rely on that never lets me forget that I'm never alone in living my life with cancer. He has constantly reminded me that he's only a phone call away should I need help or someone to talk to when I feel the walls closing in on me. I can remember March 4, 2008 like it was yesterday but the one thing I promised myself that day is that I will never take life or the people that matter most to me for granted. There have been times when things have gotten tough and days when I have been somewhat moody but underneath all that, I know that I have been given a gift, the gift of life. ❤️