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    Question: Emotions

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    Diansky wrote on meyati's wall

    Meyati, thank you for the fulsome post about your experience. I have noticed before that you have led an amazingly varied and vigorous life, as well as being a stalwart voice about the journey that is cancer. I am always pleased by the success stories on this site, like yours.

    I have a church friend who was a military nurse (career navy) during Vietnam, too. We call her Commander Nat. I suspect you two are much alike - tough with a soft, hidden heart for others.

    I was amused by your geographic "triangle"! You obviously have traveled a lot to have such a wide view of the world. I can see where biker grandson got his sense of adventure.

    My doctors believe my DX is the final curtain call with an uncertain time frame. Small tumors were detected several months after a successful surgery to remove the big tumor that made me so sick. We missed the first warning signs for what they were and then I delayed 2 months while I got sicker and sicker. You know that story - it will go away tomorrow. I never expected cancer. Some days are harder than others, and some days are "normal". Overall, it is not so bad, and certainly not as traumatic as what others must go through just to get another day. Now, for me, it is waiting to see how the tumors grow. I am grateful for my time, especially during these nice summer months. When I had a second surgery to correct a complication, I realized how much I wanted time. But, then, I often fritter my days away.

    I was so glad to find this site. First, I was able to feel not so alone. But more importantly, I was drawn out of myself by trying to be compassionate about others and their concerns. Sometimes, my only contribution is encouragement to someone else.

    I did give powers of attorney to 2 friends. Although each can act alone, I know they will confer and support each other in the decision making. They are both strong willed, so I am comfortable with my plans. They are also the 2 that try so hard to reposition the medical facts as doctors' errors. In a way, they are funny in their determination, but they are very stalwart friends. I have to appreciate them, but I cannot really talk to them about hard facts. They cannot "hear" me.

    I live alone and have no close family. They are fine, in their way, but our interests and life never had much in common. Two cousins have been consistent in our staying in touch and, now, I find that comforting, even though we not in regular communication. I do have an older sister who is profoundly retarded. I have tried to put protections in place for her. Her overall health is good. She will outlive me, I think.

    I must mention that you live in one my favorite states. One of my dream trips is to go out to the cliff dwellers national park. I have been to ABQ on personal and business trips. The ancient volcanoes that you can see from the plane always fascinate me, clear shapes in the landscape. I still have one of those tourist pottery birds from there and have had him out in my home for over 30 years.

    I saw the pin of the dogs. I did not connect them to you. Very cool dogs. They sound like very good friends to have. My cat is not so helpful!

    I am so grateful to chatter away like this to you. Thank you for your kindness that you demonstrate so often on this site and for allowing me to say these things out loud to a friendly ear.

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      meyati

      Navy nurses during 'Nam-God Bless them. Most of the senior officers were POWs of the Japanese, and/or went through the hades of Korea. I said something about feeling safe with one nurse to a doctor. He smiled and said that she held off North Koreans with a shovel, while patients were being evacuated in sub-zero weather.

      Don't be that envious about the dogs. One of my son's disabled vet buddies said--They can't even sit on your lap and cuddle. -He complained about that. Honest--that night he was sitting in a recliner, and the Bluetick hopped up on his lap. The Stoner kept his 100 lbs on the arm of the chair. They take turns hopping up on his bed now before he goes to sleep and cuddle with him. Can you imagine a 100 lb lap dog?

      The triangle is made by my family. Unfortunately, most of the family is on the Texas Gulf Coast right now, as the "Chief" is in home hospice for Mesothelioma. He fell and broke his shoulder in April. as with most cancer patients, it wasn't healing up. They scanned it and found that one lung was gone, and the other was very bad. Chemo didn't work. The biker was asked to visit his grandfather. The biker told the rest of the family. Even after a bad divorce, the Chief didn't want me to know and worry, so I found out in mid-June. To me, the man was indestructible. I can't imagine him in this state. The only advantage I have, is that in my mind it will be easier to remember him as the young movie star handsome Bosun Mate.

      I think that one of the problems with a losing battle with cancer is the shattering of the image that happens to the patient and the family. Not very many people talk about that, but when they do, it's heart breaking. My father was an Army boxer. He was also an artillery Sgt. He'd try to make a fist or show a muscle and wept that he was the almost the champion of his weight division. My husband doesn't complain, but I'm sure that in his mind, he's trying think of his salad days or trying not to think of them.

      about 5 years ago
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    Question: Emotions