EdJ, from your post it sounds like you have your hands full. Please know you are not alone we have several folks on the network with stage IV head and neck cancer (@Marti, @susie81610, @Bruce) just to name a few. Most are about your age. Please do not hesitate to reach out to them. I am sure they can at least provide you with some insight as to what you might expect so you can better prepare.
Also, if you have more questions I would recommend you post a question using our "Ask the Network" feature. When you do we route it to everyone on the network who might be able to help. You can post questions by clicking on the "Questions" link at the top of the page and then just complete the short form.
Let me know if we can help in any other way.