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    elvslack asked a questionKidney Cancer

    How to keep loved one's cancer a secret....

    10 answers
    • PhillieG's Avatar
      PhillieG

      "how do I continue to cover for her and not make it seem as if she's not as committed to her job? (we work together)".
      Tell her that you will not cover for her anymore. I'm not suggesting that you SAY anything to anyone about your sister's health, but if someone makes a comment to you, say nothing. You shouldn't be put in that position. It's not fair to you nor is it helping her in the least.
      I would IMMEDIATLY ask your sister how SHE would like you to handle her cancer at your common workplace.

      While I totally understand that cancer is a difficult thing to cope with, I've never understood why people want to hide the fact that they have cancer. Cancer has nothing to do with one's character, it can (and does) happen to anyone. Many people find comfort in sharing their journeys with one another while others do not. There is no right or wrong way. When you have cancer I found that I really needed the support of others.
      Good luck to your sister and to you.
      -p

      almost 5 years ago
    • BrandenC's Avatar
      BrandenC

      I am the same way, in that I want very few people to know about my disease, but over time I found that it is helpful having a large support base while going through treatments/surgery. Beyond that people usually heal better when they are happy and keeping a secret is stressful and not beneficial to healing. Since your sister is just starting treatments it may take awhile for her to come around. Until she does keep it a secret, but keep reminding her that people like and are willing to help. I have to still remind myself of this after several years of continuing treatments.

      almost 5 years ago
    • lovekitties' Avatar
      lovekitties

      I can understand that she might not want all at the work place to know of her diagnosis, but certainly the 'boss' or whoever she reports to will have to know if it means time off from work to deal with appointments, treatments, dealing with side effects. It is difficult to know how another sees their situation. Having cancer and dealing with it does not make one weak. It takes much strenght both physically and emotionally to deal with it. Take with your sister about the 'why' and then see if she will come up with a list of even a very few that she feels comfortable telling. Sometimes, getting things out in the open gets them out of the gossip mill. After all truth is not nearly so entertaining as rumor. Best wishes to you both.

      almost 5 years ago
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