• Enemacruz's Avatar

    Enemacruz asked a questionLung Cancer

    Will my dad be required to quit smoking in order to have surgery for his lung cancer?

    • nancyjac's Avatar
      nancyjac

      Probably not. But of course there are all kinds of benefits if he did. In addition to the obvious, smoking causes wounds to take a lot longer to heal. I quit smoking just before my surgery on the strong advice of my oncologist and surgeon, but they would have performed the surgery whether I had quit or not.

      over 4 years ago
    • hgbkokopelli's Avatar
      hgbkokopelli

      NO WAY!!
      It might or might not help if he did but don't take away all the independence or joy he has and wants. He needs to call the shots
      of what he wants and it will make your life miserable if he is cranky. In Hospice we can only tell the patients and caregivers of the risk of smoking with O2 and the fire hazard but I have cared for many that will not quit. It does not allow them to live any longer than the good/bad Lord says one is gonna be here. It's the quality of his life that is important from here and on...Really Seriously.
      I will pray for you and him!!

      over 4 years ago
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    Enemacruz posted an update

    So, I called my dad at his office today to find him out. His secretary (who keeps me sane) told me he was in my town (5 hours away) at the Cancer institute here. I guess that his cancer is responding positively to the chemo and he may now be a surgical candidate. This all depends on the result of a PET scan that was performed today.

    But I cannot ask him about it, and likely he won't volunteer the info until he finds out that he can proceed with the surgery.

    Frustration.

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    Enemacruz asked a questionLung Cancer

    Any suggestions on dealing with family issues? Dad won't tell his mom about the cancer diagnosis.

    5 answers
    • Liyhann's Avatar
      Liyhann

      I think if your dad is trying to protect his mom from more sadness (? I hope I have the relationships right here) that his not telling her is very noble actually. I'd be really proud of my dad for doing that (forgoing his own comfort,i.e. mom's pitying comfort in order to give her comfort, i.e. my eldest boy is still alive) and I would respect his opinion. I think he should be allowed to tell her when he is ready. You could just say he is battling the flu or something if she asks.

      almost 5 years ago
    • abrub's Avatar
      abrub

      Ouch. Your grandmother has been through a lot. I understand your dad wanting to protect her. I also understand your frustration. It was several weeks after I was diagnosed before we told my dad, because we knew how devastating it would be. We wanted more information, and for the family to all be there to support him - he was 95, frail, but mentally competent. My diagnosis was quite a blow.

      Under the circumstances, I would respect his wishes, and let him skip out of the holidays as "under the weather". Perhaps he needs a hair piece, or to let his mother know that he "decided" to shave his head.

      My heart goes out to you, your dad and your grandmother. Cancer is a hellish burden.

      almost 5 years ago
    • susie81610's Avatar
      susie81610

      As hard as it may be on you right now I have to agree with your Dad his Mother is old and fragile and just lost her husband of many years I'm sure. You will all know when the time is right to tell her and if she may pass before then God Bless her for not having to suffer the pain of loosing another child. Be strong you will follow your heart and know what the right choice is we can only give you guidance from our experience. Be strong and we are here if you need someone to talk to.

      almost 5 years ago
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    Enemacruz shared an experience

    Drug or Chemo Therapy (Chemotherapy): I can't answer any of these questions because I am 5 hours away. I feel like a real XXX not being there for his first round of chemo. I just know that I am probably going to have to milk what little FMLA time I can get for all it is worth. The docs and dad think he won't NEED need me until after round 3. That should be January. My sister is in South Korea, and he won't tell his siblings. So it is just me.
    I got some anxiety meds today, hopefully now I can turn my brain off when it starts spinning.

  • Enemacruz's Avatar

    Enemacruz shared an experience

    Oh No (Diagnosed): Dad called on Nov 15th to tell me his diagnosis. It shook me. As an afterthought, I pulled out my high school journals and found out my mom went into the hospital on Nov 15th, 1997. Her diagnosis came 3 days later, and she passed March 3, 1998. Liver cancer.
    Dad said he was coming up for a second opinion... I got to go with thank goodness. When my mom was sick, I was 16, so I was not included in any the actual medical specifics. This time around I get to have more control over the information.
    I had always hoped, after watching mom go, that dad would go quick and easy, like a heart attack or forgive me, a bad car accident. Nope, no such luck. Cancer again, except this time probably a bit more drawn out and with some chemo just to make it fun.
    His cancer is stage IV, I know what that means.

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