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    ggr1868 asked a questionBladder Cancer

    How to handle an obstenant patient?

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      Thank you so much for all of your responses. I value each and every one. My aunt is 86 years old. She and her husband never had children and he passed away in 1991. She is a very independent woman. Currently she is talking about her cancer like it is just another 'bout' with an illness.

      She is forgetful and, though she will not admit it, very hard of hearing. Her friends have been taking her to doctor appointments but she sometimes becomes very mean to anyone who is helping her.

      I understand her desire to stay in her home but she could use some help with medicines, and routine things around the home. I believe she is afraid to let strangers in her home to help her which I understand.

      My sister has been down three times in the last few months and I am going in the next two weeks. Admittedly, I'm no care giver. But, I have extensive experience with cancer as my mother spent 12 years, 4 rounds of chemo for breast and ovarian cancer, and passed away in 1996 of leukemia that her oncologist believes was brought on by all the chemo for the other cancers. Anyway, I spent every weekend with her and we were able to have her at home for her last 30 days. I really dreaded it but we all had a blast. She was so comfortable with her spirituality and so happy to have all of her friends and family right with her.

      We all laughed and laughed, told stories, prayed and had the best 30 days (almost to the hour) that any of us ever spent together. She had great docs who prepared us well with what to expect til the end. She died in peace and we celebrated her life.

      However, my aunt is just the opposite. She has no spiritual life at all. None of her docs have been able to tell us how quickly or what to expect at the end. Being so far away, we want to make these trips count. Can anyone suggest the stages of care she'll need and we'll need to plan? My mom had hospice and those folks are the most wonderful people in the world. Not only did mom love them, but they really endeared themselves and helped our whole family. I cannot say enough great things about hospice.

      Thank you so much for your feedback and suggestions. I appreciate it immensely.

      over 3 years ago
    • CAS1's Avatar


      Your great. You know the deal.
      Why not call hospice while you are there and meet with someone and talk about what they can do. At least you will have the information, and know the people, when the time is right. Would they speak to her and would she allow them to talk with her?

      She is feeling like a wounded animal right now.. So vulnerable

      No one knows how she will progress. But usually with cancer and her advanced age she will not linger. And that is a blessing all things considered. I would start to put things in place.

      I would try and do the same things with her that you did with your Mom. I would read the scripture to her as well and if she didn't listen thats o.k...You are blessing her by doing this. Is there a pastor or priest you can call upon down there who might also pray over her? Her sould needs to get ready and maybe its your Mom urging you to carry on and help your Aunt. Your blessings are happening and your Mom is beside you right now and she is so proud of you and your sister.

      Those that fight it the most are the ones who need it the most. You are a care giver. You decide who you will be during this time and don't let her anger or difficulty change your course. None of us know how we will be if we reach this age.

      You are both good people you and your sister. You were raised right. I am proud of you too.

      God bless, it will all work out..you will see. Look up and ask him to show you the way. The answers are all there..Just listen with your heart open.

      All the best,

      over 3 years ago
    • Ydnar2xer's Avatar

      What was your aunt ever planning to do when she got older? WAS there a plan? Now that she is sick, I think it's time for you & sis to talk to her about her future. I don't know ANY older person who wants to leave their home, familiar surroundings and routine. But sadly, there comes a time when it isn't their choice anymore--it's a safety issue. Was she ever planning to give power of atty to either of you? Talk about that, too. I think you might want to get some good ideas from a social worker before you visit her. I'm sure social workers help children take the car keys away from their parents when they get too old, frequently. It will be PLENTY TOUGH WORK to do this "talk", but afterwards, you all will have a PLAN to follow. Maybe it would be best for Auntie to move closer so that you can see her more often? Remember, NOBODY WANTS TO LEAVE HOME. But sometimes, it's necessary for their health and everyone else's peace of mind. Good luck and I think you turned to the right source to get some answers.

      over 3 years ago
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