• Gray's Avatar

    Gray started following

    Question: Anger

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    Gray asked a questionHead & Neck/Throat Cancer

    Anger

    • BuckeyeShelby's Avatar
      BuckeyeShelby

      I can understand how his actions might be affecting a 13 year old girl. Going from being the apple of daddy's eye to be almost verbally abused. It's a big shock to the system! And she's at an age where she gets it, but she's still partially a little girl. And even w/out dad getting sick and acting differently, there are LOTS of changes going on w/her ANYWAY. I think seeing a counselor or therapist is a great idea. I know some of the hospital groups around here also have support groups for kids whose lives are touched by cancer. I know you are sorta a ways from the Cinci area & the Dayton area, but do I remember that they have opened a couple of hospitals south of Dayton? Just a thought. If you go up to the RESOURCES tab at the top of the page, you can find all sorts of stuff that might help your family through this difficult time. I hope all 3 of you are able to stay strong. Has he thought about seeing anyone? A therapist or support group may help him w/displaced anger. I understand why he's mad, but his family didn't do it. Hugs from Columbus.

      almost 4 years ago
    • Clyde's Avatar
      Clyde

      I would tell your husband in plain and clear language of your concerns in regard to how he is treating your daughter. Remind him that this isn't just about him. Then go to her school and impress on the guidance counselor how important it is to find someone for her to talk to. There must be some sort of support available. Ask at your husband's center if they have any support for children of patients. Also check out any services in your area that are aimed at helping troubled teens. I realize your daughter doesn't fit this category, but they might be able to point you in the direction of a service that can help.

      I would also tell his team and ask for their advice.

      almost 4 years ago
    • Richardc's Avatar
      Richardc

      While going through my treatment, I had periods of anger. It may have seemed to be directed at those around me, but I realize it was more about the situation I was in and facing. I know my caregiver has been my best friend and supporter, but it was just as tough for her. Part of my anger may have been a defense mechanism, pushing away those who were closest because I didn't want to see them hurt any more than they had been(by my illness). I started to do better once I found a reason to have hope. I had to focus on the future, not where I was.i feel for you and your daughter. Hopefully you and your family can find a way to get through this. I agree, your husband needs some straight talk, let him know how his anger is affecting those around him. Perhaps it will get him to open up about the real concerns he is facing.

      almost 4 years ago
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    User: Peroll

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    Gray wrote on Peroll's wall

    Thank you Peroll my husband has never acted like this before but then he has not had cancer before. I notice a change in him and did say something about it to our primary doctor and he did prescribe some meds but they turned him into a zombie with just a blank stare all of the time and I told him to stop taking them and called the doctor who told me to have him stop taking them I told the doctor I had already taken him off of them. Next appointment ill mention it again, maybe there is something else he can try. You had depression too? Sorry I tend to ramble on sometimes, this my husband will agree on but I get to talking or in this case writing, but I find it so helpful to talk to other people who have gone thru these similar unfortunate circumstances to find out how they to fought to live and not only that but thrive and just take it one day at a time. When he was first diagnosed I would take half days at a time or maybe an hour, you get my drift. But there is life after a cancer diagnosis, we learn how precious life is and to appreciate every single day, sorry rambling again, lol. Thank you again and stay strong!

    1 Comment
    • Peroll's Avatar
      Peroll

      Gray, Yes i have had depression and am still on meds for it. Probably will be for life. There are a number of different meds available for depression and people respondi differently so you may have to ry a few to get it right. Good Luck and let us know how else we can help.

      almost 4 years ago
  • Gray's Avatar
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    Gray asked a questionHead & Neck/Throat Cancer

    After surgery and radiation treatments which ended on August 2012, my husband seems very depressed.

    • Peroll's Avatar
      Peroll

      Gray, Depression in cancer patients post treatment is common. I know this first hand and from the people here on WhatNext. Treatments can affect the seretonin levels in the brain which is what causes depression. Chemo d0oes it more often that raadiation and surgery but they can all do it. It is not your husbands fault. It also turns out that cancer Drs are not weell trained to recognise or treat the depression so you may have to seek help from his promary care Dr. The good news is that it is easily treatable with meds and he can get back to more lioke normal. It does take a couple of weeks on the meds for them to fully work so be patient. Good Luck.

      almost 4 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar
      BoiseB

      I beat depression by planting a garden. It was only a small garden in front of my house. But I call it my "Victory Garden" This year it will be very small because I am now fighting a new primary and the return of my cancer but I am determined to have my "Victory Garden" I see by your profile that your husband has suffered a loose both his voice and his job. Those along can make one feel depressed. Having a project (perhaps a garden) just seems to take away the depression. I also make it a point to every day witness the sunrise (he can get back to bed right after sunrise but I'll bet he won't) What I am saying is focus on "Can Do" not "Can't Do" He might discover some talents he never knew he had.

      almost 4 years ago
    • SandiD's Avatar
      SandiD

      For many of us, after treatment ends is a very scary time. I worried that no one was checking me so often anymore! My focus from fighting to live changed to worrying about what my life will be like now. I also focused too much on what I could not now. We really have to reinvent ourselves and learn to enjoy life again. Try to encourage your husband to get some help for himself. It may just take time, but if he is willing to speak to his doctor about this, it may really help him. Don't forget to ask for support for yourself too if necessary. This is stressful for both of you. Good luck!

      almost 4 years ago