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    i_am_scared posted an update

    well... the doctors are quite good.. I just got to know this yesterday. Not sure whether I just tell my dad right now or wait for a week or so and give him and my mum info in small doses.

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    i_am_scared asked a questionBrain and Spinal Cord Tumors in Adults

    Decision Point (Numerous questions in my head!)

    39 answers
    • Schlegel's Avatar

      I misunderstood the question. I thought you were the patient, but my answer is basically the same. You cannot keep this from your dad. He will know something is wrong. By not telling him, all you will do is shut down communication. If you do tell, you will find that in the next few years you will have some of the most memorable conversations with your dad.

      almost 4 years ago
    • nancyjac's Avatar

      "Please suggest me if there are any alternative therapies worth considering if any."

      If you are asking if there are alternative to chemo and radiation that have the same purpose and intended result, the answer is no. If your dad decides not to have chemo and/radiation and just have palliative treatment, there are many that his doctor can discuss with him.

      almost 4 years ago
    • BarbarainBham's Avatar

      To I am scared:
      I'm shocked that your father's doctors told you before telling him. If your dad knew he had surgery for a brain tumor, he is likely prepared to get news about cancer. I'm older than your parents, and I would be furious if I was the patient in this situation. They will handle it because they have to. They are old enough to know that sickness is part of life.

      almost 3 years ago
  • i_am_scared's Avatar

    i_am_scared shared an experience

    Decision Point (Numerous questions in my head!): 1. As of today - should I break the news to my dad (patient) and my mother just now?
    Dad - He's just out of surgery and recovering. May not want to hear this news.
    Mum - A very emotional person. May not be able to digest this news.

    2. Should I break the news - Who should do it? Me? A close relative like my uncle? or the Doctors themselves?

    3. Should we go ahead with Chemo + radiation as per doctor's suggestion? - Heard that it sorta sucks out all the life/light out of the person. Might stay alive, but like a vegetable. (I could be wrong on this. Rather I hope.)

    4. Any alternative therapies?

    Just so you know - I am his 24 year old son. Just started my career. Feel really scared. But trying to put up a really brave act - atleast in front of my mum and dad. Telling them that its gonna be alright. I have an elder sister who lives/works overseas. She did visit my dad post surgery for 5 days and she's equally scared/worried and feeling helpless since she lives away!

    I would really appreciate if someone could give me some hope/ right guidance/ answers to my above questions as soon as possible.

    1 Comment
    • FreeBird's Avatar

      Hello. The culture may be different there, but in my judgment, the best thing to do is to never hide something. The patient has the right to know what's happening with their own health status. That job really falls on the doctors who should tell the news to your dad before anyone else. If the doctor tried to hide something from my dad, I would tell him in a heartbeat. There is 100% trust that he always gets the truth, and I think there is a peace in knowing that, even when the news is not good. Hiding something does not change the reality of the situation, which they are going to learn about sooner or later. There are, however, tactful ways of communicating with people so that you also help them emotionally and mentally to cope with changes that are inevitable in life. If you take time to think about your mum and dad, you probably know already what that way is. The decision about treatment is also for him to make if his mind is okay. Go find out what treatment is like before making assumptions based on what you've read or what you think it means based on movies or what other people say. Here on this website, you can search for people with similar situations. Everyone is different.

      Why did the doctor tell you before telling your dad or mum? If your parents are religious, you could have their spiritual leader present, of whatever faith they carry. In my family, that would be too impersonal and an intrusion on privacy. Only you know your mum and dad.
      Don't be too scared by everything you read. Take it one day at a time, and one step at a time. My dad has a cancer with the worst prognosis of all major cancers. When I read the 27% statistic you cited, I thought that's not good but it's not that awful either. That's better than 1 of every 4 people, and that measure is based on an average of past experience. Without intervention/treatment, it's not good at all. The most important thing is that you care. Now you have the opportunity to do what you can do to help. You may not be able to cure cancer, but you can carry the groceries or cook a meal, or help clean. For your dad, helping might mean just taking good care of yourself. It's a good time to show dad that you can stand on your own two feet, and that you are also there to help mum if she needs it.

      The chances of you and your dad, and me, surviving in body the next 150 years is approximately 0%. Our chances get better the more you focus on right now. Try not to look too far into the future.

      almost 4 years ago