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    kasogat posted an update

    Sometimes my family members concentrate more on my mother's feelings (who has breast cancer), more than my feelings as a caregiver. I sympathize to the selfless individuals who sacrifice their time for the people who have very little of it. Others need to understand that during those intimate times between the caregiver and loved one, there's a special connection that's made that's fragile to the caregiver. I don't like when others assume I'm okay. I just witnessed my mother dying for 10 years, how do you think I feel?

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    • twig618's Avatar
      twig618

      How do you feel? I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in September of 2013. So far I'm feeling pretty good. I had three months of racial with every third week adding herceptin and perjury. Now that I'm off the racial, I feel much better. I have three children ages 14, 12 and 7. I told them that it is chronic rather than terminal. I worry about how my children feel every day. I am the type of person who always sees the glass half full and have been known to be described as to cheerful. At this point, I don't believe that the cancer has effected them to much. When I was sick, family and friends kept them busy. I was hoping they didn't notice that I was feeling I'll. Now that I'm feeling ok I want to spend ever moment with them. No one knows how long this treatment will work. I think that the time to do things is now. How old are you? What types of things did you wish you could have done with your mom? What were your favorite things to do with her? How are you coping?

      about 3 years ago
    • Tiff_Caregiver's Avatar
      Tiff_Caregiver

      Hi twig618! Thank you for sharing some of your concerns. I rarely get messages on here, but since you found me you probably want the story of a child who lost their mother from metastatic breast cancer. Well, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2001 after giving birth to her third child, I was around 10 years old. At that age, I didn't fully grasp the meaning of cancer, but I remember how I felt about it. My mother told me that she's sick and it won't go away unless she takes treatments and then do a surgery. I didn't understand, because the "sickness" that I knew was something that any Tylenol product can cure, but she explained that it wasn't go away until she did a surgery to remove the "tumor" (another foreign word at the time) that was making her sick. I have seen her emotionally breakdown because she had BEAUTIFUL hair…and the chemotherapy destroyed it ;(. Everyone saw her as happy, strong, optimistic…but they didn't see what was really going on inside her.

      Fast forward 10 years. She underwent four surgeries: firstly, was the removal of tumors in her breast; secondly, was the removal of partial of her lungs because they found tumors there; thirdly, they had to replace one of her bones on her upper spine because it had a tumor and she was in tremendous pain; and fourthly, she had to place a rod in her femur bone because her bone broke from being too fragile from the cancer that spread to her skeletal. At this point, doctor's told her that chemotherapy would harm her rather than help her. So, she tried seeking alternatives, but it was too late. She was suffering from so much physical pain. The woman that was able to hide her pain with smile and laughter became very weak and fragile. I was 19 when she passed away. I was fortunate to have had her at my high school graduation, although she had to be in a wheel chair she wasn't complaining because she got front row seats! But I'm sad to say that she had two kids after me, and they were 9 and 6 when she passed away. They understand that she's passed, and they understand why. From time to time, they show sadness, but pick themselves back up again, a characteristic they get from their mother :).

      Of course there are some things I wish I could've done with my mother. But, I try not to concentrate on those kind of things, because those kind of thoughts are "regrets". I don't regret whatever happened to my mother. I just miss her very much. When I was younger, I would think of my future and she was clearly in it, at my wedding, baby-sitting my children, giving me motherly advice, etc. That's the one thing that hurts me the most…my mother not being there when I feel that she's the only one that can answer certain questions. My mother had best friends…that promised to watch over me, they are mothers too, but it's not the same.

      My favorite things to do with her was go to the beach (I live in Hawaii). But when she couldn't walk anymore it became impossible. So, I would just take her on a stroll outside if she wanted to :). Sometimes, it was hard to get time with her, because I was busy in school and she was busy with work and being sick from chemotherapy. So just being home with her meant the world to me. I just miss her voice. I miss her talking to me. She made a video before she left, but I only watched it once because it was really hard for me to watch.

      It's been 3 years since her passing (I'm 22 years old now), and it feels like only one year. Sometimes, it feels like I'm suppose to see her soon, like she went on vacation and I'm just waiting for her to come back. She visits me in my dreams. Sometimes she's sick and sometimes she's young and beautiful. I have a lot of support here, and that helped a lot. As of right now, I'm okay. Before she passed away, she told me to talk to her whenever I want to because she'll be listening. I know she's watching over me.

      I hope this answers your question. I think its a wonderful idea to spend as much time as you can with your children. But, I think your children deserve to know the truth about the situation. My mother's cancer was terminal, but we did the best to make her time left enjoyable. You're a great mother for thinking about your children first :). Stay strong my friend! If you need to talk about anything, just let me know. God bless you <3

      about 3 years ago
    • Tiff_Caregiver's Avatar
      Tiff_Caregiver

      p.s. I forgot to mention something very important that I missed doing with my mom…singing. I use to sing with her while she played guitar when I was younger. The treatments destroyed the feelings in her hands, so she couldn't play guitar anymore. So, I learned how to play and we would sing together. She would also teach me some stuff. I really miss singing with her…and her voice especially. <3

      about 3 years ago
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