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    Oh No (More chemo): Mums having more chemo, this time the aggressive one? On a drip? She broke down when she had to tell me over the phone, crying at the thought of loosing her hair is killing her. Fortunately we have a close family and she has my dad, her sister and my gran looking after her. But i can't help but think it should be me looking after her, and i've selfishly run away back to university to hide in my room and get high! Have I let her down? Let myself down? or infact let everybody down?

    Stress levels[phone number redacted]

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    Oh No (Relationship issues): I completely lost sight of whats important to me. Everything I was doing was for mum. Ive struggled just as much with this as her, with nobody to turn to or console me.

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    Procedure or Surgery (Surgery): The surgery changed mum. She's not the same person anymore. Understandably she was terrified about the surgery, she was told she would be given a catheter that may be reversible. I took 10 days from uni to help care for her in her immediate return home. The surgery went well and the surgeons were able to avoid giving her a catheter, best news I'd had since the diagnosis.

    I can see her slowly slipping into depression, shes never been one to stay in the house but she was bed ridden for weeks then could only make it to the living room to fall asleep on the sofa. She likes to be the one everybody relies on, not the one who relies on people.

    I unwillingly went back to university. Only to struggle and fall even firther behind with my work, and to distance myself from people I live with.

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    Radiation: Mum soldiered through radiotherapy, she stayed at work until a week before her op. Walking to work, shopping, visiting my grandma and grandad, keeping the house spotless. I stayed at uni and went into denial. Drinking, partying, and taking drugs. After a stern talking to from my friends at uni I hid. It finally sunk in and I panicked. Hid myself away from uni, my friends, my work. I sat in my room day in day out smoking marijuana, meditating and praying. I was lost. My mum was my rock, my first port of call when I need some reassurance, who was I supposed to turn to now? I couldn't ring my mum every day crying and upsetting her, so I carried on, pretending to be strong for her when I could see my life slowly getting worse and worse, with no body to blame but myself!

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    Oh No (Diagnosed): I live 100 miles from my mums home for university. My immediate "Oh no" reaction was to leave university but after much thought I came to the conclusion that leaving would hurt mum even more! Leaving me with the decision, is it about me or is it about my mum? Do I follow my head or my heart? Do I pretend I can cope and stick at uni or do I break down and leave?

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