I cannot imagine the sadness you feel. I will be praying for your son and for you.
My Goodwill
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KiVier2011 started following
Question: #Wednesday Wisdom
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KiVier2011 shared an experience
Loss (Lost loved one): Sadly, my son David passed away last October. I have found it difficult to even say those words, but I am healing and slowly it is becoming easier to do those things I haven't been able to face. We will miss him forever, but I am so relieved that his suffering is over and his journey will hopefully help someone else one theirs. God be with all those facing this dreadful beast called cancer, as well as with the people who love them.
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KiVier2011 asked a questionBrain and Spinal Cord Tumors in Adults
21-y-o son dying of cancer
13 answers-
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geekling
over 2 years agoYou know your boy best, Kivier2011.
You know his hopes, his dreams, his desires for what was to be his future. Is he able to walk? Does he? He wont be part of the family business. He wont have a wife or children of his own. Is he in pain? Do his friends visit? How to explain ...
Sit yourself down. Breathe deeply. Again. Once more please. You cannot take this journey for him but you can better understand. Imagine your life without the use of your arms. Imagine an inkling of the frustration; the anger; the building weakness turning you from anger to despair. And he is alone in this.
There are two choices. You are family and can cajole him with humor or comfort him as best as you are able. People tell me to look at "uplifting" stories of those worse off than myself. Those stories do not uplift me. They actually make me more unhappy like I am somehow failing because someone more wretched than me is a light warrior.
I dont know your son. A gal who helped me when I was being burned made fun of me. She imitated my waddle walking and my moans. She was truly funny. Through all the pain, she showed me something light. We imagined ourselves as raptor dinosaurs (I guess you had to be there) and for a moment, my heart was lightened.
I think what I am trying to convey is that everyone in your household is overwhelmed. How does one eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Seek to find moments, even seconds to lighten his load. Is there any reason that you cant help him physically out of the house? Even if a brother has to carry him, being outside, on the land he has always known, may bring him some peace. I am a city dweller now but I miss the midnight country sky. I feel bigger and an important thread in the Universe when looking up as part of Everything. I belong. Energy keeps changing but it doesnt disappear. I think to eventually travel the Universe as the ashes and dust from whence I came. I forget that indoors. I dont know your son.
He needs to have hope even if it is only in peace and assurance of the beauty and light awaiting him when he drops his burdens in the UnDiscovered Country. If you dont know what is in his mind, ask him. Explain that you want to be with him as much as humanly possible so you need to try to understand and to hold and comfort him in every way possible. That is what being a Mom entails.
As little finite creatures we are unable to truly understand the everlasting grace which is everything.
Cancer, mainly, is being extraordinarily tired and achy or being extraordinarily tired with spots of intense pain. You cant live for him and you cant die for him.Im not sure a councelor would be a right thing at this point. A bad fit would be disasterous. I suppose the only thing I can do for you is to listen (read your words) and that may be the only thing you can do for your boy.
Again, it is late but think to try (if David agrees), skipping the fish, skipping the chicken and adding in fruit. Guanabana (aka soursop or graviola).
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geekling
over 2 years agoSorries. The nite got away from me. The thing about Mom Nature assists is that they take a long time; sometimes years and there are no guarantees and there are simo many but they do not contradict each other.
My heart aches for you and for David.
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KiVier2011 started following
Question: 21-y-o son dying of cancer
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KiVier2011 started following
Question: Just Livid!
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KiVier2011 shared an experience
Oh No (Cancer is back/Recurred ): The tumor has quadrupled in size since April 2016, and since it is at the top of his spine, it is compressing his spinal cord and causing issues with his arms and legs. Surgery and radiation are not available, and so we are trying to buy time by starting Avastin, an experimental treatment at best. :-(