• willie's Avatar

    willie wrote on laredosam1's wall

    Laredosam1, I am sorry to hear about your stress during this. Here is a note off my wall; some things on it may help you with 'doing' something. And 'doing' is better than 'stewing'.
    These are some things that we have learned over the years:
    Dryness. Total body dryness. This was (is) a big issue on a daily basis for my wife when she had IV chemo and now as she is taking oral chemo. Here are some things that we have learned from a number of people over too long a time.
    BIOTENE This stuff is wonderful for her mouth. Get the rinse-and-spit bottle and the lozenges. Plus, they make a toothpaste! Goods stuff.
    RESTASIS This is a prescription from her ophthalmologist for her dry eyes.
    EYES: Also, we learned that it is OK to mix Restasis with Systeane Ultra drops and Systane Nighttime ointment. The 3 are working well against the dry eye.
    LANOLIN LOTIONS Put it on after a shower while you are still damp.
    SHEA BUTTER in chap stick.
    COCONUT OIL This is wonderful for sex. We started using it years ago during menopause---still works great. Use liberally.
    WATER Keep a bottle handy and drink it.
    LIQUID BANDAGE Pat gets cracked finger tips. Use this to allow them to heal.
    RUBBER GLOVES Get some elbow-length ones for washing dishes to keep your hands out of soap and water.
    NO SOAP Pat uses soap only on her arm pits and crotch. Everything else gets MOISTURIZING CLEANSERs.
    LOMA This is an after-shampoo rinse to help her hair, from Amazon. She tries to shampoo as little as possible, like twice a week.
    PROBIOTIC: The chemo is hard on her gut. The probiotic helps keep those microbiomes in there to aid digestion. Talk with your doc about it.

    It took us too long to learn this because this dryness is torture by increments. So save yourselves the aggravation and get ahead of the curve. Try some of these products and make life more pleasant.
    Compression stockings. Pat thought (for too long) that those ugly hospital or airplane stockings were the only thing out there. Then she started looking and found some very attractive ones, that work! Why put up with the swollen ankles if you don't have too? Buy yourself or your sweety some as a gift.

  • laredosam1's Avatar

    laredosam1 asked a questionOvarian and Fallopian Tube Cancer

    angry out bursts

    7 answers
    • po18guy's Avatar

      Hmmm. The diagnosis is a huge life change - a complete shock. That takes its toll. The depredations of treatment, the insecurity, the loss of sleep, the sense of helplessness all conspire to keep us on edge. We are allowed some foul moments but when they begin to add up, and we realize that family and loved ones are being affected, it is time for something to change. Have you considered counseling to help you through this, or perhaps a short course of a non-addicting anti-anxiety/anti-depression drug such as Trazodone? Comes the time; comes the point in our journey where me all must reach out. Just some thoughts.

      5 months ago
    • BobsProstate's Avatar

      A cancer diagnosis is enough to trip something inside of us to bring out the angry outbursts for sure. Sometimes this is just a phase that you will work through if not, you might want to consult a therapist to ease you out of it. I hope you find a way through it.

      5 months ago
    • Jayne's Avatar

      Could you have a hormone imbalance? I've been reading a great deal on Biological Hormone Replacement Therapy (very different from synthetic hormones that got everybody freaked out in the 70s) and it's very interesting research. As women, our hormones change constantly between pregnancy, menopause, aging, surgery, birth control, chemo, radiation, stress, etc. Just an idea for consideration.

      5 months ago
  • laredosam1's Avatar

    laredosam1 started following

    Question: angry out bursts

  • laredosam1's Avatar

    laredosam1 asked a questionOvarian and Fallopian Tube Cancer

    how to deal with stress, anger and guilt as a caregiver

    5 answers
    • JustGrateful's Avatar

      You will almost for surely do a great job. Anything that you are not sure about just ask someone for clarification and then do what you need to. I had to take care of my Mom as she was in hospice with lung cancer. It was tough to do, but in the end, I considered it a high honor to be able to take care of her needs in the final days just like she had taken care of mine before.

      5 months ago
    • legaljen1969's Avatar

      There are definitely many good caregiver articles on this site. Search them out. People here are very friendly.

      There is one big difference between you parent raising you and you becoming a caregiver for your parent. Your parents presumably had months to prepare for taking care of you and they sort of learned a little bit along the way. Assuming your parents weren't the people who found out you were coming along just when the labor pains started and you popped out as a surprise (I have a reason I am saying that), you were expected and anticipated. They got to figure out by trial and error what worked best and what didn't work so well and you survived and made it adulthood where you get to flourish or wilt based on your own decisions and choices for the most part.

      In becoming a caregiver for an illness, it's like the "surprise baby" who no-one knows about until it pops out. It's just there. What do we do about it? Where do we get everything we need? How are we supposed to adapt to this sudden change in our life? That diagnosis comes. Sure, we all know in the back of our mind that something like this can happen to us, but we are never really prepared. In the end, sometimes being the caregiver means doing our best to make the best of the worst situation. Sometimes being a caregiver means we know there is no happy ending or no celebration.

      Learn as much as you can about the actual medical part of the caregiving so you can do what you need to do when nurses and doctors are not around. Does your mother have any home health services? I found that my home health nurses were very helpful and willing to explain things. They would show me easier and better ways to do things. When possible, let people be there for you.

      As Greg said, you will find you are capable of much more than you think right now.

      The interpersonal stuff and the "guilt" stuff may trip you up more. Those were the things that got me with my grandmother. I hated seeing that nothing I did seemed to alleviate her pain or her confusion or her sadness. Sometimes we had great days and other days it was pretty bad. I just had to concentrate on the fact that I was doing the best I could. Your presence is more comforting than you know. I will say that your mother probably knows you feel guilt and anger. If you do, then take a little step outside. Don't hesitate to call help if you need it. This is your journey too.

      There is always someone at What Next willing to "listen"/read and offer feedback.

      Much love to you and I wish you the best of luck navigating this difficult journey. As JustGrateful said, you may find it is one of the most rewarding and highest honors you will ever experience helping your loved one make the best of what right now seems like the worst. I was with my best friend as her mother had her last days at home and passed away. It is an experience I will never forget and feel blessed to have been a part.

      5 months ago
    • Jayne's Avatar

      I definitely had the same concerns over my qualifications to care for my husband during his cancer. I had the challenge of wounds that would not heal so I was expected to change out the gauze, clean the wound and then repack it with new gauze using a long q-tip. At times, I felt like I would be sick to my stomach and I was terrified that I was causing more harm than good. The nurse told me I had to be "very firm" packing that back up, getting into each of the corners, but how firm is very firm? Sicking a q-tip in someone's abdomen is not exactly something they teach in business school! I was very uneasy with the level of medical care I was expected to perform, with absolutely no credentials to do so! I hope things settle down for you, sometime the routine-ness of it all over comes the concerns - all we can do is try our best.

      5 months ago
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  • laredosam1's Avatar

    laredosam1 shared an experience

    Oh No (stress over being a caregiver): I am currently taking care of my mothers picc line and indwelling pleural catheter. I feel guilty for feeling stress about this, as i would just like to really just be her daughter and enjoy what time she does have left. feel like she is not giving us the full scope of her diagnosis as she had a spot in her lung and it was cancerous so she states stage 3c but from everything that i have read if it has spread to the lung it is stage4