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    User: GregP_WN

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    LeslieS posted an update

    Thank you FreeBird. Some really great suggestions. My Dad never said "I Love You" to us girls until after his Whipple. I tell him I love him as much as I can, and now he tells me that too. I am going to make a list of the things we have talked about doing post recovery. Right now our focus is on getting him healthy enough for chemo and radiation. Thanks again for taking the time to comment me. Good luck to you and your family as well.

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    LeslieS posted an update

    Thank you so much RuthAnne. We are talking about letting him know how hard this is for US. We have been careful not to put any pressure on him for our benefit. We are thinking maybe it would do him some good to think about someone other than himself a little. Get him out of that icky place and give him a little bit of purpose maybe.

    2 Comments
    • FreeBird's Avatar
      FreeBird

      Hello. My philosophy is that it's unhelpful to put guilt pressure on someone. I know how emotional it is for you, and how much you love your dad. I love my dad too. They have enough to worry about. I think first, tell him you love him. Leave something with him to remind him that people are thinking about him, and rooting for him-- even if it's just a card with a nice note. Then empower him, by reminding him that he is in charge of his health care, and that you are there to support whatever his decisions are, and help him in any way you can. I know firsthand that when you're a family member, those decisions can be tough and wear on you. But they are his decisions. Next, talk about plans for the future that have nothing to do with being sick. Give him something to look forward to on the calendar. When he looks forward, he sees illness, he maybe sees life without someone he loves. Give him something to be happy about.. not something to feel guilty about. That's my thinking anyway. Good luck to you and your family.

      over 4 years ago
    • FreeBird's Avatar
      FreeBird

      Also in my opinion, it could be good to get him out of that home if you can, if he feels up to it, even if it's just for a ride around the block in the car to look at trees and the sky. There's life outside of that existence in the chair.. Dad started to perk up when we started doing a few things that had nothing to do with cancer. I'm glad they caught your dad's cancer early. My dad is stage 4. Remind dad that he has a real chance at having quality time left, and that he can feel a lot better than he feels right now.

      over 4 years ago
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    LeslieS asked a questionPancreatic Cancer

    How do you get someone who has a really good chance for recovery motivated, when they are so devastated emotionally and physically?

    • RuthAnne's Avatar
      RuthAnne

      I'm not sure that you can 'get' anyone motivated to participate in their own recovery. I think a lot of the time they have to come to it on their own - which may take some time. There's a lot of mental gymnastics that can need to take place (depending on the person) before they are actually able to be motivated to do much of anything. I think all you can do is offer support and have the tools ready when they are ready.

      On the other hand, I've also read about situations where a partner gets tired of waiting for their loved one to become motivated and basically tells them to stop being selfish and get their butt in gear and it works.

      over 4 years ago
    • Madison's Avatar
      Madison

      For myself, I was having the huge problems with emotional devastation and my husband who has the actual cancer was positive. For myself, I got some therapy to help deal with this crisis. My answer would be to do whatever you need to do to deal with it. Ask your doctor for suggestions. I am sure you are not the first case they have seen with this problem. There's all kinds of support out there if you seek it. Good luck.

      about 4 years ago
    • magdem's Avatar
      magdem

      It's really difficult. As the patient, I go through days of fighting the good fight, trying to give it my all and then there are the days I fall into depression and oh, what's the use. It's tough to be upbeat all the time and what makes it even more difficult for me anyway is having to stay in a hotel room, away from friends and loved ones. There are days I get depressed and don't answer the phone, but then I rally and make the calls myself. My husband tries to motivate me, and yes, he has also told me he can't fight my fight for me, he can only fight it with me. At those times I realize how selfish I'm being and I need him to let me know how he feels and what he's going through. It is all so difficult for everyone involved. I wish you strength and good luck.

      about 4 years ago
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    LeslieS shared an experience

    Decision Point (My Dad needs to get better so he can begin Chemo and Radiation.): Update: We met with the oncologist and my Dad has been given the green light to begin Chemo in a week. He is still struggling with feeling down and eating - even though he knows that he must eat to receive potentially life saving treatment. We are trying to be patient and understanding and let him work through this the way he needs but it's hard to believe that he opted for the Whipple (which is such a HUGE operation) to now not be interested in getting better. His folks both died at 76 (that is how my Dad is) and he has said a couple of times that he has known he would die when he was 76 which doesn't seem likely since like it or not, he IS getting better every day!

    Older post:
    We are waiting for our Dad to be pro-active so he can begin his treatments but we can't get him motivated, even though he has a great chance at recovery. He has been devastated by the surgery and his huge decline in health.