My husband says he is not a "mind reader". When I was first diagnosed, nothing changed until we saw a therapist connected with the chemo center. We met with her together and alone. I have gotten to the point that I will tell how I am feeling and that seems to make realize that I need his help. There are times when he is not well himself. Neither of us don't like to ask for help from anyone. I think the real answer is to just open your mouth and ask for what you need. The more you do this the easier it becomes!
- Boston, MA
- Member Since Dec 2012
Their Diagnoses (1)
- Patient: Breast Cancer
- Patient Info: Finished active treatment less than 5 years ago, Diagnosed: over 4 years ago, Female, Age: 57, Stage I, HER2 Positive: Don't Know, ER Positive: Don't Know, PR Positive: Don't Know
- View this journey (4 Experiences)
lou3863 started followingalmost 4 years ago
How to get husband to realize I am still recovering from my cancer treatments. Nothing has changed. I still have all the resposibilities, ch
Just tell him.
Say that despite the very appreciated fact that you look beautiful and healthy in his eyes, you feel weakened, you are struggling, you are foundering, and you need his help with this and that until you are more recovered from the cancer treatment ordeals.
Hi Lou, I don't know that there is anything you can do. Regardless of how hard our family and friends try to support us...they just don't get it! You have to have gone through chemo and radiation treatments to understand how much it takes out of you and what the long term side effects are. That is why there are places such as "WhatNext." These people get it, because they have been through it before. There is a place called Gilda's Club, named after Gilda Radner from Saturday Night Live. It is not for everyone, but I am still a member and volunteer. It has soany free things available such as Wellness meetings, and Family & Friends. Both of these groups meet once a week at the same time as Wellness Group meets. The Wellness group is people who are currently going through treatments, or are 1-2 years past their treatment date. Of course the Family & Friends Group meets at the same time...they are the milor friends of those in Wellness. If you could get your husband to Family & Friends, and you to Wellness I believe it would a huge help to both of you. In most of the meetings at Gilda's Club it is about 75% women. I have often thought that women have it more diffcult than men. It seems as though their responsibilities never stop, especially if they have younger children. I don't know where the Gilda's Club may be in your area but you can reach the Program Director:
[email redacted]. They are located at: 120 Longwater Dr Suite 104, Norwell, MA 02061. Give them a try if they are close enough. I hope all works out for you, but also it requires a lot of patience on both parties to understand what is going on...it is not easy.
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lou3863 posted an update
How to get husband to realize I am still recovering from my cancer treatments. Nothing has changed. I still have all the resposibilities, chores,and job that I had before I was diagnoised. My husband says if I do not want to do something, don't do it. That is fine until the tub is black and mold has taken over the bathroom. What can I do or say. I am getting angrier and disappointed more each passing day. Why should I have to remind him that I am going thru the worst thing in my life.
Tough situation lou, we have had this discussion on the site before, but it's always touchy. We have had women that their husbands wouldn't even take them to treatments, so your not as bad as some. But still.......
I noticed you posted this as a status update, this is a GREAT topic, please repost it by clicking on the questions tab at the top of the page in the purple bar, and you can paste this there. It goes on the questions page then, plus it is sent by daily digest to everyone on the network that is of like diagnosis to you. You will get a lot of response this way.
Thanks for being here and posting!