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    Noeybluess shared an experience

    Other Care (Palliative care)

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    User: JennyMiller

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    Noeybluess shared an experience

    Oh No (Cancer has spread/Metastasized): Feeling extremely sad and need to vent.

    Good Morning Everyone. Well these past couple of weeks have been very difficult for my family emotionally. After my dad's passing in August (small cell carcinoma), my mom has taken a turn for the worse. She has gone from being a vibrant, energetic, woman to immobile, needy and depressed. Her most recent CT Scan showed the cancer had metastasized and now its in her left lung and there are nodules in her liver and lymph nodes. As if that weren't enough, she recently had knee surgery and it has really taken a toll on her and my family as well. We try to stay positive and encourage her to keep fighting, but I can see how tired and sad she is. I wish there was more I could do for her to keep her spirits up. This has affected our whole family (One brother and One Sister). Personally speaking I feel so helpless and wish I could do or say something that would restore her will to keep pressing forward. I tell her how much my family needs her and how she needs to stick around. I put up a front when I'm with her and I'm all smiles and positive...but inside I just want to scream. I don't know what else to do. I cry at the drop of a dime when I'm alone and I don't feel like I deserve to have joy in my life with my mom feeling so bad. It's affecting my kids and husband because they see how all this has changed me. I'm just not ready to lose my mom. I'm sorry for being so "negative" today but this is my only source of outlet. I pray GOD renews my faith and restores my broken heart. Its all I can do.

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    Noeybluess posted an update

    Don't know how to edit my postings but what I meant to say was "THINGS WERE NOT LOOKING VERY GOOD."

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    Noeybluess posted an update

    Where do I begin? My mom was diagnosed with cervical cancer back in 2009. The doctor caught it in the early stages so my mom opted to have a complete hysterectomy and radiation. She completed her sessions and for two glorious years, my mom was cancer free. At the beginning of 2012, our family received alarming news that my father had cancer. We never in a million years imagined my dad having cancer since he was a non drinker, non smoker and in excellent shape. After countless tests my dad was diagnosed with advance small cell carcinoma of the liver. He had a round of chemo but unfortunately the cancer spread too quick and we lost him in early August 2012.
    During this same time, my mom had her 3 month follow up and this time, we were not so lucky. The cancer was back and more aggressive than before. She under went a round of chemo and completed it in August right around my dad's funeral. Our family was blessed with 2 good months before my mother started deteriorating. We recently got her results from a CT Scan and her oncologist said the tumor is growing rapidly from a 2 mm in August to 9 mm in December. The xray also showed two nodules in her left lung, liver and swollen lymph nodes. Things were looking very good.

    You know, I have always tried to live my life being optimistic and looking at my cup as half full instead of half empty.....but this past year has been so difficult for me and my family its hard to hang on to that same belief now. I am now my mother's caregiver amoung other things. I work full time and have a husband and three kids of my own. Please don't get me wrong, I love my mother with all of my heart and there is nothing I wouldn't do for her. I just feel so overwhelmed. There are times when I feel so tired and exhausted that I just want to get in my car and just drive. Get away from it all at least for a couple of hours...then I think "what if she needs me and I'm not there"
    This is the reason I'm here today. My fuel is running out and I'm getting scared. I need to hear from others out there going through what I'm going through. I need to know how you guys do it, show me how to cope with what's happenning to my family. Help restore my sense of hope that things will be ok and we will get through this....

    2 Comments
    • BuckeyeShelby's Avatar
      BuckeyeShelby

      Hi Noeybluess. Welcome to the site. I'm sincerely sorry you have to be here. You and your family truly had a rough 2012. I'm not a caretaker, so I can't help you from that perspective, but there are caretakers participating, and I'm sure someone will chime in with some advice. In order to send the info to our entire network, your best bet is to go up to the Questions tab and put your info there. In the meantime, know that you have come to the right place. I hope you find this site as useful and supportive as I have. And please don't forget to take care of yourself, too. You are important in this equation.

      about 4 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      It is tough, for sure. I am a 3 time survivor, my wife took care of me during all three with no help from anyone else, and at times I'm sure she was scared to death. We had no family around to help, no kids so that helped, but still we were young. Somehow, you just find a way to do what you never thought you could.
      I lost both parents to cancer, and both were diagnosed too late to do anything but take care of them in Hospice care. My wife and I would stay with her during the week, then on the weekend one of my brothers would come stay on friday and saturday night, then we were back on sunday night through the next week. That was harder than having cancer 3 times myself.

      The only thing I can suggest is if you have family, it needs to be all hands on deck. Friends that you can call in for a couple of hours, call in those favors. Do not be afraid to ask, most people are willing to help, but they need to be asked.

      If you get to the point of Hospice, don't be afraid of it, they are great organizations and will help you do your caregiver job. There are also services through most of them, and some community's that will have volunteers stop by a couple times a week to help with things like cleaning, and laundry, etc. We have an article on our blog at www.whatnext.com/blog on a variety of services that are available, but you have to ask.

      Let us know if we can help. One more tip-any question that you have, click on the questions tab first, then post it there, everyone sees it there, only people who happen to be browsing the new users will find your status updates.

      Thanks for posting your concerns, we are here to help.
      Greg P

      about 4 years ago
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    Noeybluess shared an experience

    Decision Point (Continue treatment or select quality of life.)