• sbradford1013's Avatar

    sbradford1013 posted an update

    I was diagnosed April 2015. Had first chemo and all its lovely side effects. Went on family trip to Disney in LA. Spent most of days in hotel, in pain, and swelling like a blowfish. After last cycle, went on drugs to prevent recurrence.. Dealt with side effects. In and out of hospital. And, I was so scared. Have an awesome support team including my mom n dad, 6 siblings, lots of nephews and nieces, and my kids. But still scared. Late march/early April 2016, went to hospital. Barely remember what happened, and went into respiratory arrest and intubated. I would occasionally thrash around so soft restraints brought in. I did that because my recently diceased husband kept telling me to let go and be with him. So I would fight to let people know I wasn't dead. So, couple days before discharged, had head ache, so Ct scan. Now hearing words like lesion, tumor, etc. so drug therapy halted and radiation on brain. Got done with that and back on drug therapy and multiple scans done just to find out spots on liver still growing. So back on chemo. Bad side effects and in n out of hospital. Changed chemo drug. Still bad side effects so changed chemo drug. List of meds I am on is crazy. Scans done and dumb spots grew again. So, new chemo chosen. And that brings us to right now. I am in hospital again with problems in digestive area. I can say I am tired and just give up. But then my daughter (she is the one to care for me the most) tells me that her aunt isn't her mom and that I am so I have to keep fighting. She is only 12 and knows how to take care of me......doc apt, side effects, set up bath for me, and list goes on. So that's the update.

    2 Comments
    • beachbum5817's Avatar
      beachbum5817

      I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this. You sure have raised your daughter to be a loving and caring young woman. I will remember you both in my prayers. Let us know how you are proceeding. Good luck. Take care.

      about 3 years ago
    • BarbarainBham's Avatar
      BarbarainBham

      I'm also sorry that you are sick, and your daughter sounds like an angel. Have you asked your doctor if you are a candidate for immunotherapy, and/or getting another opinion at a research hospital? They may have something that would help you. If you can't do much physically, maybe you could fax your medical information and get an opinion.

      Here's a link to the NIH-associated cancer centers by state:
      https://www.cancer.gov/research/nci-role/cancer-centers/find

      Best wishes to you and your sweet daughter.

      about 3 years ago
  • sbradford1013's Avatar

    sbradford1013 started following

    Question: lonely

  • sbradford1013's Avatar

    sbradford1013 posted an update

    I know that I have made so many wrong decisions in my life. I could never try to make them all right. I have however thought that I would make good decisions going forward. All I wanted to do was to make a good life for my kids. But although I keep making what I think are good decisions I am finding that this may be more impossible than I had thought. I was told last night that there may be a chance that my cancer had spread into my bones. So, my battle continues and I just don't know if I can do this any more. I hate my cowardice and insecurities. I hate that I keep telling myself that I have to do this for my kids. I hurt so much in so many different ways. How do I do this? How do I keep doing treatment and still be a parent? How do I do this alone? How do I make the pain stop? I want to quit, but I know that I won't because I have been teaching my kids that you can't quit. God give me the strength to keep going. Give me strength to keep smiling. Give the strength to keep fighting. Please help me.

    8 Comments
    • PennieEckard's Avatar
      PennieEckard

      I am sorry, I wish I could give you a big hug. I have there. My cancer spread to the spine, but went radiation and its gone. I still have lung cancer, the met's is gone. Hang in there. If you believe, pray, turn it over to Him. I will pray for you. But stay positive (try your hardest) your little ones are counting you.

      about 5 years ago
    • kalindria's Avatar
      kalindria

      sbradford - you've been on my mind today and I just wanted to say a little more. We've ALL made mistakes. We've ALL done and said bad things. We all need forgiveness and that starts with forgiving ourselves. Holding onto those bad emotions and memories are not good for you or your children. It's all in the past so leave it there.You know it was bad/wrong and you won't do it again. It's done and over. Leave it there.

      Sounds like you believe in God, so leave it with God. Ask God to forgive you, too. And forgive yourself. There's a lot of comfort to be found in forgiveness and it sounds like you could use some comfort right now.

      about 5 years ago
    • BoiseB's Avatar
      BoiseB

      I do keep a list of all I pray for I will put you on that list. I always pray at dawn.

      about 5 years ago
  • sbradford1013's Avatar

    sbradford1013 shared an experience

    Drug or Chemo Therapy (Chemotherapy): Found out that due to ct results, Monday will be my last chemotherapy. Yay

  • sbradford1013's Avatar

    sbradford1013 posted an update

    The bumps on my scalp since my first round of chemo are driving me nuts.

  • sbradford1013's Avatar

    sbradford1013 shared an experience

    Oh No (Cancer has spread/Metastasized): Found spots on my liver that after MRI were found to be cancer same as found in my neck. This sucks!!!!!