Hi Shame, I certainly hope your not in that frame of mind. If your having depression or other feelings your not sure about, I highly suggest that you contact someone to talk about it with. You can contact the American Cancer Society at (1*800*227*2345). There is someone there 24/7 to answer questions and get you the help you need.
You had posted this as an update on your page, and the only people that see updates are those that you have follow you. Sorry I didn't see it sooner.
If you have questions, or concerns and need to talk to someone post those on the questions tab at the top of the page. That way it is seen by everyone on the network.
Don't hesitate to ask for help on our network, there are lots of great people here that have been through everything, and can help.