I can sense through your words how incredibly difficult this is. It's hard to understand why, and to get all of your questions answered. And as most people on WhatNext will say, sometimes it's dealing with the day-to-day things that can seem almost as difficult as fighting the cancer. There is support out there for you. First, the American Cancer Society can point you toward plenty of resources. Their phone number is at the bottom of this page. Also, another great resource is People Against Childhood Cancer. They have terrific resources listed here: http://curechildhoodcancer.ning.com/notes/Child_and_Family_Support
Please let us know what help you need and we will be here to support you in any way we can.