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    User: aimster1mo

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    SirKenneth asked a questionColorectal (Colon) Cancer

    How to live with the fear of possible having to have a colostomy?

    • fastdog's Avatar
      fastdog

      The same way you would have before. If you're looking for any kind of meaningful relationship, you will have a nice long "getting to know you" phase, during which time you will both gradually reveal more and more about yourselves. Long before you mention a colostomy, or even the possibility of one, you will know if she cares enough about you to continue to the point where you will tell her about this. Just be yourself, and above all, be honest. Don't rush things. And relax. Chances are, she will have a few "battle scars" she is nervous about revealing, too.

      over 3 years ago
    • Tracy's Avatar
      Tracy

      Hi,
      I absolutely agree with fastdog, we all have baggage and scars of one kind or another. Getting close is a scary thing but when it comes time to being with someone new you have stories to tell. Your stories are ones of courage and strength. If this is the woman that you want to be with she will see this. My husband met me after many scars and has learned way too much of hospital waiting rooms since. The good ones are still out there, Tracy

      over 3 years ago
    • CrazyHarry's Avatar
      CrazyHarry

      It adds a while new level of excitement. My wife has one too. It takes some agility but it can be done. And sometimes it gets a little messy. Have fine with it and enjoy the challenge.

      As for me, the surgery itself had some impact on my ability to even do it. Healing and praying the little guy will forgive me and come out and play.

      over 3 years ago
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    SirKenneth asked a questionColorectal (Colon) Cancer

    What am I faced with and is it worth the journey to recovery?

    9 answers
    • fastdog's Avatar
      fastdog

      When I had my surgery last year, I was told I might very well wake up with a temporary colostomy bag. The first question I asked when I woke from surgery was, did I have "a bag"? I did not. Whew! Having a colostomy was my worst fear, mainly because I hadn't researched it, and had big-time fear of the unknown. Since then, I've seen many posts on another cancer site, from people who have had this surgery. One was very humorous, about going through airport security with a stoma and a bag, and having to explain it all in detail to the TSA. This was written by an attractive young woman, whose husband clearly loved and desired her, a mother of two small children. And I thought, if faced with this in the future, if she can do it, I certainly can. If I'm faced with this in the future, I will get all the accurate information I can, and it does look, Sir Kenneth, as if it may be a pain in the butt, but not the end of the world. Not this, nor anything else, will make you less of a man.

      over 3 years ago
    • booboo's Avatar
      booboo

      If I am reading your profile right, you are Stage 0. Is this accurate? Because if so, I think you are getting a bit ahead of yourself. Has a doctor told you that you require a colostomy or are you just anticipating worst-case scenarios? If you don't have all the facts about your diagnosis yet then its not time to do the "is it worth the journey?" analysis. So try not to torture yourself with these questions yet. You don't have enough information yet to give it any meaningful consideration. Talk to your doctors, find out what treatment plan they recommend. It may be nothing like what you are dreading.

      Its normal to have a lot of anxiety now. Ask your doctors for help with that. Talk to a counselor about your fears. You are not going to see the whole picture clearly all at once. Its more like a polaroid picture that came out blurry and the image developed over time. But sooner or later you will see a clear picture and a clear way forward. Try not to get too wound up over this, it will only make you feel worse. Don't borrow trouble.

      over 3 years ago
    • LauraJo's Avatar
      LauraJo

      Sir Kenneth,

      I had a temporary ileostomy for 6 months between surgeries. and I can tell you I was horrified at the thought, but frankly, it was no where near as bad as I had anticipated. I went to the gym, the beach, swam almost daily....and no one knew. I went to an amusement park. I went to work, I went to church, I went on a couple day trips..I did what I wanted to do. The bag IS manageable, and should not make you feel any less of a man or a person. If you couldn't hear, you would get hearing aids. Or glasses, if you couldn't see. That's all the ostomy is, it's just an alternative method for using the bathroom. If you need some practical tips on it's use, I would be happy to give you some pointers, as would other folks here on the site. Has your doctor told you this is a definite outcome? Is it to be permanent or just temporary? If you are Stage 0, as mentioned, you may just miss this entirely, in which case, it's not really worth worrying about,

      I can't answer if the journey is worth the recovery for you...I think that answer is different for all of us at different stages. I think it is highly likely that you are still in the shell-shocked stage most of us go through, but after you have a chance to absorb things I hope that you will think differently. Cancer is not an automatic death sentence anymore, and the treatments are nowhere near as brutal as they used to be. I went through 3 surgeries in 13 months time, 2 rounds of chemo, 2 port implants, and the bag for 6 months, and other than the mandatory time off for surgeries, when I worked at home, I missed only a day or two of work...not because I was trying to be tough, but because I honestly didn't feel that bad, and was bored at home by myself. I tell you this just to let you know not everyone is hammered by chemo. My surgeries were laparoscopic, so very quick recovery. And as a little old lady at church told me "If your surgery is below the waist, you don't lose your hair." At least not the hair on your head. :)

      And when the active part of my journey was completed. I decided to try to find joy somewhere in every day. Somedays, that is my son's laughter...and someday's, it's just getting a good parking space, but I think my life is worth what I went through.

      I should also tell you I know a couple who were married for 40 odd years, and he had to have a bag,for about 8 years before he died (not of cancer) which he refused to change. His wife, who is a saint, did it for him. Those few of us who knew about this situation thought he was less of a man for not taking responsibility for his own needs.

      Hope that helps somewhat. Take a deep breath. There are folks here to help you.

      over 3 years ago
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    SirKenneth shared an experience

    Drug or Chemo Therapy (If faced with Drug or Chemo Therapy I know other people who loss body hair plus ): If I loss my full head of hair it might grow back and my male body hair will most not likely grow back and be a sexual turn off to potential women sex partners and hopeful long-term relationship with a women