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    Question: Double Mastectomy

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    snivel_b asked a questionBreast Cancer

    Double Mastectomy

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      snivel_b

      He did in fact get me through it - him, his daughter and her daughter (my beautiful granddaughter) they all gave me a reason to smile nearly every day. There were many girls throughout the day that took their clothes off it didn't bother me it was that evening when he demanded someone to get out of his way so he could see the breasts and I told him it was cold and inconsiderate of him - he ended up getting mad at me telling me I had serious issues, I needed to get over myself and that he liked titties and that wasn't going to ever change. I don't doubt his love for me what I question in my mind and heart is will he be faithful with his desire so strong to see breast that he would rudely demand someone to get out of his way just so he can see them if I hadn't been there would he have been grabbing them as some of the other guys were doing. He admittedly cheated on the last woman he was with - will he me as well because I don't have something he desires. It's not jealous of those girls it's a fear - even though he loves me I don't have what he desires anymore - he just as well slapped me in the face because his actions and words hurt like XXX.

      almost 4 years ago
    • Julie99's Avatar
      Julie99

      I understand the hurt over his insensitivity and agree that is could have been about how he was looking in front of the guys.

      My boyfriend has always commented on women he found attractive as well as their bodies. Before my bilateral, I was extremely confident in how I looked. Now? Not so much. 20 pounds & 2 sizes heavier, bald, and scars across my chest that is 150 cc's different in size with radiation starting next week. My flat 6-pack abs are now more like a bowl of jello.

      A week ago when he commented on someone during a tv show and how hot she was, I finally admitted to him that it bothered me. Since I don't feel great about myself right now, its hard for me to hear him talk about how hot he thinks other women are. He got it. He'll still say things here and there, forgetting about that it hurts me but not doing is maliciously.

      Its a learning process and an emotional roller coaster as we discover and come to terms with our new bodies. Hopefully for you, he will understand how insensitive his comments were and why it hurt you. I hope things get a little easier for you and that you feel better.

      almost 4 years ago
    • Ydnar2xer's Avatar
      Ydnar2xer

      Your story brought tears to my eyes! That shouldn't happen to anyone! I don't buy the old adage of "boys will be boys"-- there's NO excuse for being rude and insensitive, no matter whether you are male or female. His comments would have been on par with you shouting out something about "enjoying all of his 2 "winches" last night!" I'm SURE he'd find that unacceptable! It would have hurt him sincerely to be targeted in public about an insecurity he may have! It sounds like he has been supportive in the past; would it help if you two talked FRANKLY about your individual insecurities, your feelings and needs and how you could be more supportive of each other now? Maybe w/a counselor?

      Meanwhile, you might have to pull up your big girl panties and toughen up a bit! (That's what I did yesterday when I got a notice in the mail that it was TIME FOR MY MAMMOGRAM again! Breastless me? OUCH!) There WILL be "ouchies" (ie, awkward, insensitive things said or done) sometime in the futures of all of us who've undergone vast changes in appearance or abilities...We need to retain our resilience and CONFIDENCE and NOT let them get us down!

      And if he doesn't "get it" and shape up, I'm sure there are PLENTY of other men who would recognize-- and treat you--as the gem you are! Good luck! We are here for you!

      almost 4 years ago
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