• sweetsue's Avatar

    sweetsue asked a questionLung Cancer

    how do I prepare to lose my life partner

    9 answers
    • DeniseD's Avatar
      DeniseD

      I have been asking myself that question for the past 10 days. My husband has been in ICU with a slim chance of survival. I have not agreed to a do not resuscitate order yet, however I am prepared to do so when the time is at hand. I did seek spiritual guidance and have done much soul searching. I decided to do what I believe he would do for me in this situation. If his quality of life would be such that he felt hopeless or helpless, he would hate that. I have come to depend on him for most everything, yet I know I can make it alone if I have to. We have had a very good life together and nothing will ever change that. I love him enough to let him go free of pain and knowing I will be alright. I owe it to him and the life that we have shared to be at peace with the past and be warmed by the memories in the future. Today I received the first glimmer of hope for his survival, each moment is a gift. Yesterday I was sure this was the end of the line. Today he opened his eyes for the first time in 10 days. He is by no means out of the woods. I will continue to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. I pray that you find a way to let go, while allowing the memories to be comforting.

      almost 5 years ago
    • Mollie's Avatar
      Mollie

      The only thing that helped me was that my Grandma didn't need to suffer any more. And lean on hospice. My mom and I did the last few days and they helped sooo much. Even after, they have grief counseling and such. Hang in there...

      almost 5 years ago
    • Mollie's Avatar
      Mollie

      Also ALLOW yourself to be shocked and to grieve. In other words give yourself permission to go through the stages of fried and that everyone's grief journey is different and a very "case by case" personal thing. I'll email you directly so that if you'd like someone to hear you.

      almost 5 years ago
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    sweetsue posted an update

    Anybody else's heart breaking tonite? I'm losing my husband and I can't even spend time with him because he's too sick. I can't fix this for him and I feel so helpless. 3 weeks ago we were excitedly preparing for Xmas for our grandchildren. Today hospice came in. How does this happen?

    1 Comment
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      Hi Sue, taking care of a loved one is a terribly hard thing to do, I took care of both Mom and Dad in Hospice within 10 months of each other. They both died of cancer. I know what you mean, a nagging cough turns into, she has a tumor that cannot be operated on, go home and make hospice plans. It hurts. The only help I can tell you now, is that one day you will have a good feeling knowing that you were there to take care of them instead of a stranger. I know if probably feels like you can't do this now. But you can, it will get easier with time. There are others on here that have also been through it. Drop in on @FreeBird he is currently taking care of his dad who is fighting pancreatic cancer after already fighting lung cancer. He is in hospice also. Let me know if I can help you find anything.
      Greg

      almost 5 years ago
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    sweetsue shared an experience

    Oh No (Diagnosed): Today is Christmas Day. My husband was diagnosed with lung cancer in the lungs, liver & brain a few days ago. 2 weeks ago our life was normal. How can this happen so fast? From a nagging cough and a little fatigue to full blown cancer that needs narcotics to keep pain at bay, and the inability to enjoy anything life has to bring. We haven't even seen the oncologist or started treatment yet. I don't understand this. What happened to our lives?

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    User: GregP_WN