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    Teaberry asked a questionStomach Cancer

    Mom doesn't want food any more and Dad is not accepting this

    4 answers
    • cam32505's Avatar
      cam32505

      It sounds like your father needs some counseling. It is hard to accept the end of life. At the end, my mother couldn't swallow, so they offered her a feeding tube, which she refused. She wanted to eat, but choked when she swallowed anything. If you father continues to harass your mother, it will prolong her agony. When the end is near, the dying person can't let go if the family is begging her to fight to survive.

      over 3 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      yes, it's terribly hard to do. And those of us that have to go through this with a loved one in the final stage of life may not understand the process. He may not understand that this is how it works, she is not going to eat and it's normal, he can't make her eat either. I'm sorry for your situation, I went through this with both Mom and Dad. I will say that hospice made the experience much easier, and our service explained this process and things happened just about in line with how they said it would. It eased my mind and fears about what I "thought" was going to happen.

      over 3 years ago
    • lilymadeline's Avatar
      lilymadeline

      This is so hard, but usually people stop eating only on their last few days on earth....so please get on a plane and get out to see her as soon as you can because it sounds like she is ready to move on....and of course this is terribly hard on your father to accept and he needs you there as well! This is too much for a hospice nurse and one confused and angry spouse...do you have any other family members or do they have close friends nearby? Take care and god bless!

      over 3 years ago
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    Teaberry wrote on pdparker's wall

    Just thought I'd send a note your way to tell you that someone is thinking about you in Washington DC. Have a great day and keep safe from those storms heading your way!

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    Teaberry asked a questionStomach Cancer

    My mother is in hospice and parents are lashing out on me

    7 answers
    • BuckeyeShelby's Avatar
      BuckeyeShelby

      Everyone has good advice, but it's hard not to feel guilty -- they are your parents. But try not to be held hostage to them. You end up being an easy scapegoat. Make sure you surround yourself w/good friends, who will help support you and cheer you up when you are down. And most importantly remember NONE of this is your fault!

      over 3 years ago
    • Teaberry's Avatar
      Teaberry

      Thank you everyone for the support. I know it's all true. My father called last night to scream at me for 4 minutes. I recorded the whole thing and played it back after he hung up the phone. I was very surprised when I played it back over and over again that I heard fear in his voice and loss. He is such a primitive person that he has no real way to communicate his terror. Honestly, I can't be the person who gets to feel the worst and I won't entertain the nonsense anymore. Thank you all for your kindness.

      over 3 years ago
    • Kittymommy's Avatar
      Kittymommy

      In our situation, our daughter has been living with us for two years. She was getting ready to move into her own apartment or home when we learned her father has Stage IV Gastric Cancer. We talked it over and she has decided to stay at home to help me since both her dad and I are in out 60s. She has also been taking a break from working as a CNA caregiver, but we are insisting she get back to work at least part time to pay her own bills. We provide everything she need at home. I promised that she could think about her own place later if her dad doesn't make it. Since you have offered all the help you can, don't feel guilty. Do what you can but don't wear yourself down. Then you can't be of any help. We all have to do that.

      over 3 years ago