• vinniesmom's Avatar

    vinniesmom started following

    User: CancerNews

  • vinniesmom's Avatar

    vinniesmom posted an update

    Hi, I just finished my third week of 6 weeks of external radiation, and have a week of internal to follow that up. I have had enough of it all and am ready to quit. I have a very painful oozing burn, that hurts with each new treatment. I have fallen into a deep, debilitating depression...was in contact with my mental health doctors and therapist who haven't really offered any quick fix(I know there is no quick fix). I regret doing anything at all to try to treat the cancer. I have canclled my reatments for the rest of the week(last treatment was Tue) and am not convinced I am going back next week...I have lost all hope and motivation. Sorry to be a downer, but I just needed to vent.

    1 Comment
    • carm's Avatar
      carm

      Vinniesmom,
      I am sad to hear that you are at a point of despair and you are well within your right to hit that pause button. Only you can know what is best for you and no decision is wrong as long as you are the one making it. You are right, there is no quick fix to this or any dilemma in life. If it really were that easy would we fret at all. I am a healthcare worker and not a patient so I can't step into your shoes, I know that. But working in end of life care, you cannot step into mine either. I see no dark side to life or death. So I know there are no wrong answers. However, that being said you are the one who knows your heart better than anyone and I would never suggest you think of loved ones in your life or consider the impact of your decision on their lives. This is your journey and I would hate to know that you wasted the gift of life on others. No one ever wants to meet their maker and have to explain how they wasted that gift on others or be forced to say, "How empty of me to be so full of you!" I just want you to know that there are many here willing to shield your flame against the wind when it kicks up from time to time and that while I cannot understand your pain or your frustration, at this moment I am here..use me. I will support any decision you make and maintain that flicker until you decide to quell that light. Best of luck to you, Carm RN.

      about 4 years ago
  • vinniesmom's Avatar

    vinniesmom posted an update

    Thanks everyone, you have all helped A LOT! I feel better today, I am going to beat this nasty cancer...I took a day off from my treatment today to just sit and relax, try to forget what my body is going through and rebuild my strength. So far so good and tomorrow back to the grind. Thanks again for all the kind words and encouragment. :)

    1 Comment
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      So glad to hear your doing better. It's a tough road, nobody ever said it would be easy, and down days are expected and OK. But don't let them get the best of you. Now you see that you can pull out of the funk when your feeling down.
      I'm proud for you.

      about 4 years ago
  • vinniesmom's Avatar

    vinniesmom posted an update

    I am into my 2nd week of radiation therapy and I have lost my strength and courage and will to continue. I am sorry I had my hysterectomy and started this whole process has been a strain on my physically and emotionally. I have fallen ino a major depression and do not want to go on....

    12 Comments
    • ticklingcancer's Avatar
      ticklingcancer

      When reading your post I couldn't help but think of some famous quotes that might help you through this. Life is worth living and cancer S*U*C*K*S! It's hard enough to fight this horrible disease but when you throw depression into the mix...it makes it even harder. You should speak with your Dr about giving some medicine to take the edge off. Once you get that under control, you can focus on your fight. Stay Encouraged and hopefully some of these quotes will help get you on track.

      To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe. Anatole France

      If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it. Jesse Jackson

      God brings men into deep waters, not to drown them, but to cleanse them. John Aughey

      Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal. Pamela Vaull Starr

      When you're feeling your worst, that's when you get to know yourself the best. Leslie Grossman

      When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. Ralph Waldo Emerson

      And my favorite...

      Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow. Mary Anne Radmacher

      about 4 years ago
    • GypsyJule's Avatar
      GypsyJule

      I know it's hard to believe, but these feelings will just be a memory soon. This is why you get the title of survivor.

      I can't give you any better advice that has already been written, but I pray that your pain subsides quickly.

      about 4 years ago
    • derbygirl's Avatar
      derbygirl

      I know how you feel but believe me it will get better. You have family and friends that need you and people here that will be here for you whenever you need us. It's ok to be scared and angry, you've earned that right. But if you give in to the cancer then it won. Don't let the cancer win! What you have to do is summon up the strength and go on knowing that there are many people out there who share this struggle with you. After my hysterectomy, I thought about the good things like no PMS, no cramps, no running out in the middle of the night for feminine products. The only drawback was no chocolate cravings so I pick a day each month for that. You will laugh again. You will enjoy life again. Until you find the strength yourself then lean on all of us to be the strength for you. With all the people here at this site, we make a pretty good team.

      about 4 years ago
  • vinniesmom's Avatar

    vinniesmom shared an experience

    Radiation (External radiation )

  • vinniesmom's Avatar

    vinniesmom posted an update

    I tart my radiation treatments today. I am scared and very nervous...wish me luck!!!!

    2 Comments
    • mjs24's Avatar
      mjs24

      Hi vinniesmom, I hope your doing ok after your treatment. It really can be so daunting. Mary Jo

      over 4 years ago
    • GregP_WN's Avatar
      GregP_WN

      So, you've had a couple days worth of treatment so far. Is everything going alright? Radiation isn't too bad in the beginning. The treatments themselves are easy as falling off a table. HA!~ You'll get that if you ever fall off that darn table. Let us know how your doing.

      over 4 years ago