• wajohnson's Avatar
  • wajohnson's Avatar

    wajohnson asked a questionBreast Cancer

    Has anyone noticed a change (good or bad) in their relationship with their spouse since their diagnosis?

    22 answers
    • Bobbiedee's Avatar

      My husband always tells me he loves me but when dr told us I had non Hodgkin lymphoma and leukemia in fourth stage I asked how many stages is there and dr said they are only four. I cried but my husband never shed a tear! Even thou he has cried many times before over little things. Dr has told me I wouldn't do good with chemo because I have all the bad markers, I cried, but not my husband. I don't understand how he could not even shed a tear! He just looked at me like oh well.

      over 4 years ago
    • KimmieC's Avatar

      I was married 21 years to the same guy before my cancer diagnosis. About 6 months prior to me being diagnosed, he started wanting to party and stay out on weekends. My dad was terminally ill,and I had 6 kids, four of whom were teens at the time. I thought maybe it was a phase, because I was not able to focus on him. Also, he seemed jealous of our teen children and the attention they received. But things got much calmer after my dad died, a month before I was diagnosed. Then I found out I had cancer. He backed away from me, I could actually feel it. He spent little time at the hospital when I was there, went to only one dr's appointment the whole time, never went to chemo or radiation tx with me. He always used the kids or his job as an excuse, but I knew he had lots of job security, and we had many friends and family who were willing to help with the kids. He would stay out all night about 3 or 4 nights a week, even if I was at my sickest with the post-chemo funk. Three days after my 3rd treatment, he admitted to being with another woman. I tuned him out, felt like if I tried to waste energy dealing with him, I would never beat the cancer. I tried to get a divorce about 6 months after I had finished all my treatment and surgeries, but 2 different lawyers told me I was still too sick and frail-looking, they couldnt promise I would get custody of my children. I was mad at them then, but now, I see they were right. I filed for divorce last July (2011), and it was the most stressful thing I had ever gone through in my life. I couldnt have handled it right after my cancer battle. I am single now, have no savings, no retirement (used it all to pay fo r the divorce and medical bills!), living off mostly my disability check with my 2 youngest children, and we are doing FINE! Here is what I have learned, not just from my husband, but also from a couple of my friends: some people just aren't BIG enough to handle the realities that a scary diagnosis like cancer can bring. That "in sickness and in health" line does not mean much to some. I think a critical event like cancer can truly bring a person's true nature into focus. I am nothing if not a survivor, and I am doing it with a smile on my face. It can intimidate weaker people, obviously. Sorry if I was TOO forthcoming, your question struck a nerve! Hope sharing my story can help you in some way.

      about 4 years ago
    • kajungirltn's Avatar

      No change in him but big change in me. I'm no longer willing to just live with the problems we were having before. I thought this diagnosis might actually bring us closer but it didn't. Now I'm left with having the same if not more stress dumped on me while dealing with the physical and emotional strain of a double mastectomy and reconstruction while he is going bankrupt and living off my short term disability. Needless to say problems don't go away with diagnosis and I'll have to face this once I recover from surgery before chemo

      over 2 years ago
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    wajohnson posted an update

    I am a PhD nursing student at UCLA and I want to explain the experiences of women with breast cancer who may also experience partner abuse or neglect. Currently this is a class project to get a better understanding, but ultimately I will be working on using this topic for my dissertation. I would really like to hear from women who have experienced this. Because of the sensitive nature, it would probably be best if individuals contacted me privately. I will also be more than happy to share the results with those who wish to participate. I like you can contact me at [email redacted]. Thanks for the opportunity to help make a differnce.

    1 Comment
    • justbreathe's Avatar

      I went though neglect before my husband left. If you could send your email again I can tell you more.

      over 4 years ago
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