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    Loss (Lost loved one): she is still here,, but my wife will not admit i have a problem and does not want to be around me, no sex, no long walks no dinner dates, even trys to keep my 2 year old away from me.she separates my cloths in the laundry now

    5 Comments
    • Harry's Avatar
      Harry

      This is tough. I suppose she thinks it is contagious (of course it isn't) and/or she thinks you are about to die from it (No!). It sounds like CML is one of those cancers that can be treated and the person with it can live a long time. In fact, there was a recent study showing no difference in mortality for CML than for the general population. There have been tremendous advances in treating this since 2000.

      It strikes me that knowledge is what she needs. Maybe she would agree to talk with your oncologist. Maybe there is a counselor who can help. Perhaps a minister?

      over 4 years ago
    • Carol-Charlie's Avatar
      Carol-Charlie

      Wow!.. I looked at Dave and Ticklings' comments thinking, I'll give you a ''woman's' point of view.. But I just can't find one. I agree with Dave on the "find a councelor"... I'm sure you've already tried to sit down with her and talk. Is there a person you trust who might love you both and be able to chat with her and at least find out what she fears? I'm thinking that...

      Okay this just popped into my mind... with what she's doing. She's afraid of cancer.. she's afraid of chemo - but she KNOWS its a poison... I'm placing my money on that she wants to protect herself and your son from the dangers of the chemo itself... Washing the clothes separately is what made me think that.

      I'm thinking somewhere she has chemo and the radiation of PET CT Scans confused. Even that is out of your system within 24 hours I believe. I was told not to cuddle my grandchild after my PET scan.

      My suggestion would be to contact your oncologist.. give him/her an idea of what is going on with your wife, as you've shared with us. Ask him/her to talk with you and your wife to let her know there is no danger to being close to you, that you are safe to be around. I'm thinking this fear.. along with the fear of losing you... She's a completely confused mess.

      Just my idea - for what its worth.. God bles you!

      over 4 years ago
    • LisaLathrop's Avatar
      LisaLathrop

      I agree with Harry & Carol-Charlie. Your wife seems to be afraid of the cancer and treatments. Talk to her frankly about being committed and supporting each other. Remember the marraige vows? for better for worse? in sickness and in health? Knowledge often takes the fear out of the unknown. Her mind is probably running wild with all sorts of crazy ideas about cancer being contagious, radiation & chemo contagious, too, etc. I agree that is what is happening with washing clothes separately.

      Have a frank talk with your wife...and tell her you need her support. Pushing you away will only make life harder for everyone...even your son. I understand the desire to protect the children, so invite her to an oncology appointment with you....or make a special appt. to talk, and have her hear it from the experts what is and isn't harmful to you and her and your son as well. Hang in there. People are afraid of cancer...my husband and I are goign through couples counseling even now after 4 years of remission. Caregivers have it sooooo hard! Harder than patients I think sometimes. They feel helpless....pushed out of the circle as all the attention goes on the patient, and in the case of a wife, who is going to take care of her and your son if you are out of work, physically unable to help out at home, etc. As it turns out, cancer was the catalyst for underlying issues my husband and I had for many years. We are working through them ever so slowly.

      Also, find a support group for your wife. My hospital has a support group luncheon every week where patients and their caregivers go together to share woes, hardships, encouragement, etc. Lots of tears shed here but everyone understands. There are support groups for caregivers only, too. Perhaps she would feel more comfortable sharing her feelings without you there for a while. Check with your social worker at the hospital or center where you are treated. Or your oncologist. Good Luck to you...and STAY POSITIVE!

      over 4 years ago
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    Drug or Chemo Therapy (Chemotherapy)

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    Celebration (Birthday): My son turned 2 while i was improving

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    Oh No (Diagnosed): feeling best i have ever felt in my life, stopped by doctor to get standard bloodwork for for my employer. went from top of the world to dragging nutts in 2 days

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