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    User: GregP_WN

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    Wanda asked a questionHead & Neck/Throat Cancer

    My ex was diagnosed with Stage IV Squamous cell carcinoma & we have 2 children together, but his current wife hates him ever talking to me.

    14 answers
    • Wanda's Avatar
      Wanda

      Thank you everyone for your advice so far. I agree with what you all have said. My ex's current wife knows that he has been talking to me about his condition and he has told her that we are adults and that she needs to act like one and not give him any grief about it. There is history between the 3 of us because she used to be a friend of ours back when we first met. We were married for nearly 12 yrs and when we parted ways it was my choice. She married him right after I divorced him and hates the fact that he still has me in his life. He tells me his marriage is miserable and she is convinced he's still in love with me. He and I both usually just avoid each other because it's easier for him in every way and I am ok with that until now. We have tried the counseling situation with our whole families even, since there are children involved and my husband and I don't want to deal with any negative conflict with my ex and his wife. I am happily remarried and my husband knows that this is about our kids and nothing more. She won't give me any information about his health and I am extremely worried about his mental health during this battle he is facing so we agreed that we would discuss and I guess I will just take it a day at a time. The part that makes this whole situation worse is that his mother (our kids grandmother) just passed away in November, so the kids have already lost a close relative and now for there to even be a possibility that their Dad could die too has put them over the edge. I will let my 16 yr old do most of the communicating with his Dad since they play online games together a lot. The times that will be hardest will be when he isn't able to communicate on his own. I am telling our kids to ask their Dad all the questions they have and to not be shy or afraid to ask. Sorry for the long reply...I just felt I had to give a little more back story to help give a better picture of what I'm facing. I PRAY for our children's sake that my ex has the will to beat this cancer if not for himself, then for his kids who need him. He has 4 children total (2 from his 1st marriage and then our 2 from his 2nd marriage) that they range from 18-12 yrs old and they NEED him. This is all so overwhelming for me...I can't even imagine what my ex is feeling right now. All we can do is pray that everything will work out for him. Thank you again for everyone's advice. I don't know how to handle all of this and needed advice from unbiased people, and I really appreciate your time and support.

      about 4 years ago
    • Wanda's Avatar
      Wanda

      Also my kids don't have a good relationship with their step mom. She isn't exactly a "warm" person and has caused a lot of drama for everyone in our family from her insecurity, so it makes it that much harder.

      about 4 years ago
    • BLBragg's Avatar
      BLBragg

      Hi Wanda. You are correct in feeling that a cancer patient needs emotional as well as physical support while facing treatment. Everyone here has basically the same advice for you and that is to in some way communicate the importance of your children's well being to their step mother although it "seems" she may be less interested in that. Stay with it, and don't stop providing the support to your husband, even if it has to be in the "background' for now. He will need the help and your children will realize how supportive you are giving them the confidence that their dad is being helped. Good luck to all of you.

      about 4 years ago