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    I'm not actually a survivor yet, I don't kow if I'll make it, but I sure am making the most of the time I have. It took almost 2 years to get over feeling odd and some of it is from chemotherapy and some of it is from pulmonary embolism and being on coumadin, hard to know...but now I feel great. I work out at the gym 1.5 hours every other day, cook everything from scratch (I did that before too though), and I'm grateful for every single day, even moment that I'm still alive. I don't think there's a way to prepare yourself for death, we're wired to be afraid of it, that's why you shake your fist at someone who's nearly killed you on the road. I will rage rage rage and be utterly depressed and anxious if the cancer comes back, but meanwhile I am so so so so happy, happier than I've ever been in my life.

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    Radiation (Internal radiation): I just had 2 bouts of brachytherapy that I figure gave me about an extra 2% chance of survival with 1/2% chance of bad complications, a worthwhile risk. The doctor told me it was an additional 14%, but I read the literature (I have access to all journals) and was horrified at how much harm radiation does, I am so glad I didn't get pelvic or more extensive radiation! Chemotherapy has been proven to be so much more effective in this type of cancer that I can't believe it's even allowed to give extensive radiation.

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    Drug or Chemo Therapy (Chemotherapy): The chemotherapy was easy, I had few side effects, what was not easy was the constant feeling I'd been poisoned, which added to the anxiety/depression that I did manage to fight off thanks to a lot of support from friends, friends of friends, relatives, and so on. I let everyone know I had cancer and many many people turned up to help that I hadn't known had cancer. I found them far more helpful than the local gynecological support group, which scared and depressed the XXX out of me. It's important to find people who have been through this, others have no idea how scared and depressed you are.

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    Procedure or Surgery (Surgery): The hysterectomy surgery was the easiest part. I was out within 20 hours after. No one told me a pain prescription was at the pharmacy for me, so I just took a tylenol about once a day when I felt discomfort. I think it helped to listen to the Belleruth Naparstek CDs given to me by my surgeon to prepare for the surgery as well.

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    Oh No (Diagnosed): Sheer, utter terror, unable to sleep, when I did sleep, waking up with a voice not just saying, but SHOUTING "You've got Cancer" and no chance of falling back asleep again. All day long "you've got cancer" voice shouting in at any moment when I wasn't concentrating on something else. Gor lorazepam prescription, it helped the first time I took it, then much less so, but helped me fall asleep, I tried not to take it more than a few times a week so that it didn't lose all effectiveness. Since I could barely breathe or walk 100 feet from the Pulmonary Embolisms that led to Cancer diagnosis, the panicky state never ended. But every day I vowed to walk further, by 1 year, and despite chemo, I was up to 8 miles a day.

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    User: GregP_WN