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    Loss (My mind/Sense of Humor): So I am 3 weeks postsurgery. Incision is looking good,healed well, and I am putting scar cream on it per the recommendations of my surgeon to help conceal it a little bit. It's right at the base of my neck, and I don't have a "crease" to hide it in. So, I had my 2nd blood draw since surgery to see where my TSH level is. I should know by tomorrow. I have lost my mind, or something. I think things moved so fast and I was so concerned about everyone else, that I never listened to my own feelings. It's easier to ignore them and take care of others that it is taking care of me. Yesterday and today are horrible days ! I want todo nothing, except for cry, and that is not me. I had a beautiful Holiday weekend with the families, but I can't stop crying. And there are 2 reasons for this. One my TSH level is on the rise dramatically, and it is messing with my hormones which inturn makes you take an emotional roller coaster ride, even if you don't want to, or 2, my feelings are now making thier way to the surface, and I don't want to deal with them. I don't cry infront of people. I am thier rock and I am the one that people call when they have a problem or need someone strong. Even though I am a very compasionate, caring nurse, and I even cry with my patients, I don't ask for help in my personal life very often. I feel sorry for my fiance. Poor guy, he doesn't know what to do. He came home yesterday from visiting his dad and I was crying doing the dishes. I don't cry, or atleast not like I was yesterday. He kept asking me what was wrong, who received bad news, or the famous: What did I do that upset you this much? I tried to tell him he did nothing, and I don't know why I am crying. I have been told that my cancer is "the type you want to have if you're going to get cancer, cuz they can cut it out." Really? are you kidding me? I didn't want cancer, but it doesn't matter, cuz I have it. But then on the other hand, do I have it? I mean, I am awaiting treatment, and the surgeon thinks that he got it all. I am grateful, and I know that there are others out there that are dealing with more serious types of cancer, and worse diagnosis, you think I would be happy. And that is what my fiance says. The doctor says that he got it all, and everything is going to be ok. Really, how can I believe that? The truth of the matter is, I have been diagnosed with cancer. The scariest word in the world. So, still don't know why I'm crying. Don't feel depressed, I don't play and won't play the "poor me" card, becuase I am not that type of person. So, I'm blaming it on hormones being out of whack.

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    Procedure or Surgery (Surgery): So surgery was scheduled one week after I was told that preliminary report shows that it is cancer. I really haven't had much time to think about what is going on. All of my immediate family came for the surgery. Stayed overnight in the hospital and went home the next day. They ended up taking out my whole thyroid. A week later, on December 12th, I was told by my surgeon that it is Stage 1 papillary cancer. The good news: it was confined to the thyroid with clear margins. So, now I have my blood drawn every Monday to test my TSH as the next step is to have it ablated. My surgeon's exact words were "you are going to feel XXX while your levels are rising." Wonder how bad I'm going to feel? I mean, I'm a nurse, and I understand hypo and hyperthyroidism and the effects on your body, etc. Guess we'll see.

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    Oh No (Diagnosed): I felt a lump on my neck by my thyroid. Fine needle aspiration shows that 99% it is papillary or follicular cancer. My Doctor is my coworker and friend, and it broke her heart to tell me. When she told me I have cancer, it felt as if that word knocked me to the ground and then kicked me until I found my voice and told her that I wanted it out right away. This doesn't happen to people like me, I know that everyone says this, but I am a nurse, and I take care of and look out for other people. I'm not a very good patient. I am much better as a caregiver. So, now came time to tell my fiance, then came my parents and 2 sisters. I still say that it was harder to tell them and make sure that I answered all of thier questions and that they were ok, than it was to be told that I had cancer. So, I had my biopsy on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, found out my results on the Monday after Thanksgiving and surgical consult on Wednesday. Surgery is scheduled for December 5th.

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    User: GregP_WN